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In the dream I was having (which I can't remember really) I was being pulled by a demon on my left arm, which was pulling me away from doing something. And then I started to come out of the dream fighting for my arm. Half in and out of sleep I had to turn my head to the left and say in a commanding voice to give me back my arm. I actually had a look at it while I was saying it. That was one of the most terrifying fucking things to look at. It had red eyes and it's entire form was a moving black flame cloud. I know AOU had told me that it's some dream state which I can't remember the name of. But that fucker had my arm and I thought it was going to tear it off my body. Also of note my mouth tastes like blood and has a gritty crunch to it. I can only imagine which one of my teeth I almost broke in the middle of this terror that I just experienced.

In the dream I was having (which I can't remember really) I was being pulled by a demon on my left arm, which was pulling me away from doing something. And then I started to come out of the dream fighting for my arm. Half in and out of sleep I had to turn my head to the left and say in a commanding voice to give me back my arm. I actually had a look at it while I was saying it. That was one of the most terrifying fucking things to look at. It had red eyes and it's entire form was a moving black flame cloud. I know AOU had told me that it's some dream state which I can't remember the name of. But that fucker had my arm and I thought it was going to tear it off my body. Also of note my mouth tastes like blood and has a gritty crunch to it. I can only imagine which one of my teeth I almost broke in the middle of this terror that I just experienced.

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[–] • 1 pt (edited )

I retired 8 and 1/2 years ago. I did just get off some substances that I've been playing around with for about a year. It make me really sad knowing that I have an addictive personality and I think that it's to heal an empty childhood. I did have to pull the plug on a fledging relationship with a woman that turned out to be a weekly negative trickle with her. It really made me wonder how I'm always a sucker for people that mask negative energy. I think that's why I spend a good portion of my time on my own. I'm just tired of trying to navigate humans and their nuances. I mostly take a 'God just knows' approach now. I'm not sure what to believe anymore. Faith is so confusing and I just get so annoyed with the pageantry and rituals of our divine belief systems. Or it could be because of all the mold in my van that I didn't know I had. Which I'm in the process of mitigating now. Someone brought this up as a potential problem yesterday.

[–] • 1 pt

Sounds like this may just be your own mind telling you to keep the path. It may be more that these changes are all good, and to not allow the demons to drag you back.

I get the hesitation on ritual. I belong to a church that holds to the obligations (corporeal Sunday worship) without all of the pomp and circumstance. If you are interested, this isn't a bad description of reform theology. I call it "nerd church" because it's about learning the bible more than the "Jesus is my boyfriend" shit. I'm in a PCA church, and the running joke is that they are the only churches where there is a church library that people actually check books out of. (And yeah, my church does.)

https://www.ligonier.org/learn/articles/what-is-reformed-theology