*one time I ball lightninged out of my anal hoop after being scruted by an inscrutable black man who was the manager of a new Popeyes family restaurant handing out free 6 piece hotwings out front on opening day* In retrospect of the 40 minute toilet marathon roughly 8 hours later, I found Jesus. CHRIST! IT'S THE JESUS!! The only thing within reach was a newspaper that had a job section. Jesus Lazarus Hernandez now cleans my property and does lawn maintenance for 10$ an hour. He is a good employee too.