Behold, ye man, the supremely impeccable, and tremble. Gaze ye upon the bloated visage of unimpeachable honor and virtue: The Sublimely Noble Mike Pompeo gorged himself on a kings buffet of righteousness, thus his waterbed-like flesh is bulging with the holy water of irreproachable trustworthiness. There is more meritorious propriety in one of his sausage-like pinky fingers than in the whole of Putin’s irredeemable Russian regime. A thick stench of noxious scrupulousness oozes from his oily pores as he judges the wicked of the earth and moves like a mountainous slug of protruding piety to right the wrongs committed against the Holy Throne of Democracy.