I liken my relationship with god like my relationship with my dad He may love (loved) me but he doesnt (didnt) like me much. (My old man died when i was 19, more than half my life ago) He will keep me alive and give me what i need but he isnt going to give me everything i want when i want it. Ive staved off homelessness twice, lost my home, lost my family, but no matter what ive somehow always had a roof over my head. I asked for a rest a couple of years ago, in my head i wanted a nice long holiday without having to worry about it, he said you can have a rest but youre not getting it for nothing, and i ended up jobless for months, but ultimately still got my rest. Now i acknowledge him as my saviour i have people around me who have kept me going with a couple of hundred quid here and there and finally picked up a good job nearby to the home ive been living in for the last year and a half in a beautiful part of the world well away from the evil i was brought up around. When i was finally at the point i wanted to kick my two worst habits, there was no pissing about, they just stopped and i havent looked back. I havent had a month of the sticky icky since i was 17, and yet ive gone a month without it, on face value because i couldnt afford it being out of work, but also because i felt like i might as well just stop. Just in time for a job i wanted, where ive been told im going to be getting drug tested in another months time before i get offered a full time position. I came to realise he kept me out of major trouble because he needed me to be in place for certain other people and situations that have happened in my life, long enough for me to recognise he was there all along. I stepped into a massive chasm that was in front of me, and walked straight over to the other side. From what i gather from you man youre not a bad dude, hes walking with you always, keep strong, keep praying, and recognise you wont necessarily get what you want when you want it, but he will give you what you need when you need it. You dont end up a good person walking hand in hand with sin, but pushing through it makes you stronger than steel. God bless.