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My mom used to beat me over being left handed, threatened me with a gun and knives, would use isolation as a punishment. My brother turned into an alcoholic over it. How do you forgive this person, when so much hurt has been cause, so many lives destroyed?

My mom used to beat me over being left handed, threatened me with a gun and knives, would use isolation as a punishment. My brother turned into an alcoholic over it. How do you forgive this person, when so much hurt has been cause, so many lives destroyed?

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[–] • 0 pt

Nope, its just more an open ended question. When my brother and I were young my mom would complain she should have aborted us. As we became 7 - 9, she would lock us into a dark bathroom for a few hours at a time as punishment. She then moved on to threatening us with knives and other instruments around the house, lied about our mental health status to try and game the Medicare system or whatever the kid variant is. As we started going to college and becoming more independent, she would sabotage us by making threats of do this or else. In my case i had 3 days to find a job right out of college, or i was to move back home. Both of us have a lot of suppressed memories at this point, since we dont really want to live through the pain anymore

[–] • 1 pt

Hopefully some others will chime in.

The whole thing is, what exactly is forgiveness?

It's mainly for your own peace of mind.

Continue to treat them with love and respect and you will keep your own conscience clear.

[–] • 1 pt

My old pastor used to say forgiving is about forgiving yourself, and not the others. I know my mom will never change, so all i can do at this point is keep my distance, treat them nicely, and realize that their abuse made me into the person i am today.

[–] • 1 pt

That's right, that's a healthy attitude and will serve you well.

Doesn't mean all the anger and bad memories won't still be there, I'm dealing with something similar.

Don't dwell on the negatives, try to switch gears when the negative thoughts begin to crowd your brain.

[–] [deleted] • 1 pt

It's entirely up to you to decide what and how to forgive your mom for childhood trauma/abuse. It's made you who you are and you either do good with that baggage or you do bad...survive and succeed in spite of it. Don't let it be your identity, make it only a part of who you are. Do you say to your mom "I forgive you for x"? would she even accept that or admit she was not the best mom? Only you know that. Is forgiving her for you or for her? Would she actually hear you if you sat her down? Talk to your mom and see how things work out. She may be looking for a way to ask for your forgiveness herself.