Sometimes I vent here. In real life, I suffer in silence. I hold it all in and carry on. This has been a brutal year. I have prayed for the health of my loved ones before there was really anything to worry about. Even my loved ones I feel have done wrong, that I deserve apologies from…i just want them to be safe and be happy. My family relationships are so tricky. Complicated. Hurt me for decades. But I know what it feels like to think life is unfair. I miss my 20’s. All my loved ones, while not perfect, were all healthy and around for what I hoped would be opportunities to forgive and forget. But time flies. Time fucking flies. My older brother and his family used my mother. They tortured me by speaking lies and harsh words for decades. They indoctrinated their son to manipulate him to the point when I started having a teenager harassing me and threatening to kill me because his dad, my brother, and his mother, a disgusting piece of shit, brainwashed him into thinking his dad was so miserable because his little brother (me) didn’t care about him and was somehow the cause of all his problems. Years and years pass. My mother moves far away to help them. They use her finances for their benefit, until she is struck down by unfair, debilitating illnesses (multiple strokes). Im immediately contacted to be told I need to take care of her. Their cash cow became a burden. Relatively stable years of health (mom) made them continue to appreciate her income. And I finally had a few years of a break from their harassment. Earlier this year, o started noticing mom not replying to my texts and not answering my phone calls. And when she would, she was in need of money to pay for things like her cell phone bill. Well, mom was experiencing a new decline. After visits to neurologists and such, she’s diagnosed with dementia and Alzheimer’s. It seemed to happen so fast. This led to the first phone call with my brother in many years. It was pleasant. It took a burden off me. He even thanked me for stepping in to uproot and help my dad. We said we loved each other for the first time in decades. Only a few months later, older brother is very sick. Gets diagnosed with congestive heart failure. Given 6-12 months. Within around 10 days, he passes. I didn’t know how much of this mom understood. I’d not even had a talk with her where she said she understood what she was diagnosed with. I talk to mom today, and she’s totally with it. She brings up everything and handles it all with positivity. She was worried about me in such a selfless way. My mom is so beautiful and I am so hurt by what she is experiencing. But the real her is just so strong and loving. So selfless. Im taking notes.