I sleep terribly. I have absolutely horrible, terrifying dreams most nights, and I remember them vividly.
I have tried drugs, I have tried booze. I have tried meditation, I have tried relaxation, I have tried exercise.
Basically, my life sucks a lot and I usually want to die. So I carry a lot of shit around with me.
But those dreams. Fuck. They come out of nowhere. I dream absolutely crazy, heart-stopping shit sometimes. Most times it's just bad.
So far booze helps the most. Usually just puts me out. Problem with this is two-fold: I have a crazy high tolerance for alcohol. It's genetic. Usually takes at least half a standard bottle to have any real effect on me. Forget wine or beer that stuff is like water. And I tend towards high blood sugar. Alcohol initially pushes the blood sugar down, which you'd think is good, but the after-effects aren't great. So while alcohol helps the dreams it's not a good long-term solution.
Man I don't know what to do.
But I do know this: My life sucks and I wish I would die.
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