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So my father died a month ago. It was suicide by cop. He was a Vietnam vet. He had dementia. We used to be close, but family drama split the family 20 years ago. I've been an utter mess. I went from getting 3-5 hours a sleep a night to getting 2 or less. I no longer feel like I'm in reality. I can no longer think straight. I've lost 20 lbs. How does one deal with this level of grief? Like seriously? I'm barely functioning. I don't drink hard alcohol anymore and I don't use drugs anymore so I can't numb this pain. I can't concentrate on anything except the loss. My occultic studies and everything else I have passion for don't interest me.

So my father died a month ago. It was suicide by cop. He was a Vietnam vet. He had dementia. We used to be close, but family drama split the family 20 years ago. I've been an utter mess. I went from getting 3-5 hours a sleep a night to getting 2 or less. I no longer feel like I'm in reality. I can no longer think straight. I've lost 20 lbs. How does one deal with this level of grief? Like seriously? I'm barely functioning. I don't drink hard alcohol anymore and I don't use drugs anymore so I can't numb this pain. I can't concentrate on anything except the loss. My occultic studies and everything else I have passion for don't interest me.

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[–] 4 pts

My father died in April and I did something similar to what said but on my family farm. I did some shooting to relieve internal anger at targets and spent the night sitting on a blanket in the field and eventually falling asleep and looking up at the stars. I also listened to various podcasts to distract my mind. I don't think the grief ever goes away but the intensity of it simmers slowly. My condolences, if you have lucid dreams think positive things about him before you eventually fall asleep. He might come visit you and you can say goodbye. This happened to me and it was like a weight off of my shoulders.