Expanding on what you said about what you NEED Vs what you WANT. I am always afraid of how I go about praying. I'm always worried that praying, for example, strength, would grant me some kind of hard times that gives me the chance to gain strength. As apposed to inspiration or grace of strength. It's like inadvertently asking for hard times, like a monkey paw that benefits me in the end. Makes me feel like any prayer I could have has to be considered greatly. I feel like I prayer shouldn't be thrown out without consideration.
Maybe that is just hubris. I don't know.
Again, God puts your wishes on perspective for thr correct approach on what you need. He will not give you harder times just to give you strength, but maybe others need it more than you do... He will never give you a cross heavier than one you cannot bear. Prayers never will be useless, because if they were, Jesus wouldnt teach us "Our Father".
It seems you are doubtful on what to ask Him being afraid to not realise He may give you something that you do not want. Its always certain He will give you many gifts for every thing He gives you that you did not want.
As a personal example: today my son stayed submerged in a pool for a few seconds before his mother pulled him out from his hair. He jumped without a vest on and couldnt surface. He didnt drown nor was at risk, but he obviously got shook that he was unable to breathe and tried yelling underwater, ingesting water in the proccess. His lungs were clean, though.
Would you consider that a bad thing, or a blessing in disguise? It was an accident, but a relatively harmless one. The kid is still willing to swim and took it as merely an accident. He will be more careful now, obviously. Your perspective changes as you trust in His judgement. My belief is He sent this to us to warn our vigilance cannot lack. And lacking it was, at least for a few seconds... its all it takes.
I will pray for you, brother, your faith may be shook, but your heart is in the right place. Read on the saints who lost it all and yet never abandoned God. One I really love sharing is the story of Saint Hermenegild. He had it all as a prince, yet abandoned his heretic faith, yet lost everything to defend God. This is how you should be; an unmovable rock, impassable on your trust in His judgement. For His is a gentle hand.
Thank you, I will think about what you have shared with me.
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