Wedding Ring Question | Poal: Say what you want.

(post is archived)

You are currently inside a comment thread.

Click here to see all the comments (33).

[–] • 1 pt

(edited )

First off, “if he is posting here I doubt”…. So, you made an assumption, then started doling out life advice based on that very flimsy, snap assumption.

Also, you were answering a question he didn’t ask. He didn’t ask if he should try to save his marriage, now did he? He asked about wearing the ring.

And the one thing you consider to be irreconcilable? Who are you to be the arbiter of such things in the first place?

As for me, I’m going by the Bible. Adultery is grounds for divorce according to God. I happen to put more stock in his opinion of the matter than I do in yours.

You can forgive someone and still not be married to them anymore, by the way. As is the case for many victims of marital infidelity.

Lastly, the OP has stated elsewhere in the comments that his wife has chosen to leave. So guilt-tripping him for something that he didn’t even choose is not only illogical, it’s unethical.

parent
link

[–] • 0 pt

I am responding on mobile. Copy pasting all relevant points takes more time than my life allows.

My point of reference is as a leaver who impregnated my mistress and then was still able to reconcile with my wife of now 15 years.

I am not an expert in OPs life, but I am more of an expert in the bible than you. Jesus never commanded divorce. He limited what was acceptable grounds, but adultery does not require divorce. Also, by your logic, since the only biblical grounds for divorce is adultery, then if OP was physically torturing his wife and children then she had no right to leave since he was sexually faithful to her.

Personally, I was trying to be encouraging to a stranger on the internet, who actually had nothing to say to me. You are white knighting and being a piece of shit. Thanks.

parent
link

[–] • 0 pt

(edited )

I didn’t say Jesus commanded it. Read it again. Or better yet read the Bible. It is an acceptable option for someone who is the victim of infidelity, according to Jesus himself. If you take issue with that, you’re not taking issue with me so much as the word of God. I’m simply spelling out what the word says. You might not like that it says that, but your opinion of the word doesn’t change it.

Your wife’s choice to take you back was her choice. Biblically speaking, if she hadn’t taken you back it would have been no sin on her since you committed adultery. It sounds most likely like you pressured her to take you back, actually..like you twisted the word to make her feel guilty into taking you back after adultery on your part…which sounds like narcissistic personality disorder type behavior..which lines up perfectly which infidelity because most cheaters have NPD leaking out of their pores. But, since I don’t know any of that for a fact, I won’t outright accuse you of any of it. However, it does make me highly suspicious of you and your “advice” to begin with. Not to mention, your self-proclaimed ‘mastery of the Bible’ LOL. But I digress…

You can namecall, use fun buzzwords (e.g. “whiteknighting”), and skirt the issue all you want, but that’s the truth and we both know it.

As for you’re being “encouraging” to OP..if that was your goal, I’d say you failed miserably since you based your advice on an assumption that turned out to be wrong.

At the end of the day, you put the onus on OP to “keep the marriage together” without even considering the fact that actually requires two people to do in the first place, and that OP’s ex may have removed that choice from him altogether…which - AGAIN AND THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT - SHE DID.

Making an assumption and then doling out life lessons based on that doesn’t make you a piece of shit. It’s an innocent mistake.

However, doubling down on it for the sake of your ego after you’ve been apprised of the situation does make you a piece of shit..or at the least, it’s highly evidential of NPD.

Again, not saying you have NPD, either. I don’t know. But if I had to bet $1000 on it and all I had to go on was the information that I currently have…

A normal, level-headed response would have been something along the lines of “oh I didn’t realize that she left and isn’t interested in reconciling.”

You did the opposite.

I didn’t say Jesus commanded it. Read it again. Or better yet read the Bible. It is an acceptable option for someone who is the victim of infidelity, according to Jesus himself. If you take issue with that, you’re not taking issue with me so much as the word of God. I’m simply spelling out what the word says. You might not like that it says that, but your opinion of the word doesn’t change it. Your wife’s choice to take you back was her choice. Biblically speaking, if she hadn’t taken you back it would have been no sin on her since you committed adultery. It sounds most likely like you pressured her to take you back, actually..like you twisted the word to make her feel guilty into taking you back after adultery on your part…which sounds like narcissistic personality disorder type behavior..which lines up perfectly which infidelity because most cheaters have NPD leaking out of their pores. But, since I don’t know any of that for a fact, I won’t outright accuse you of any of it. However, it does make me highly suspicious of you and your “advice” to begin with. Not to mention, your self-proclaimed ‘mastery of the Bible’ LOL. But I digress… You can namecall, use fun buzzwords (e.g. “whiteknighting”), and skirt the issue all you want, but that’s the truth and we both know it. As for you’re being “encouraging” to OP..if that was your goal, I’d say you failed miserably since you based your advice on an assumption that turned out to be wrong. At the end of the day, you put the onus on OP to “keep the marriage together” without even considering the fact that actually requires two people to do in the first place, and that OP’s ex may have removed that choice from him altogether…which - AGAIN AND THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT - SHE DID. Making an assumption and then doling out life lessons based on that doesn’t make you a piece of shit. It’s an innocent mistake. However, doubling down on it for the sake of your ego *after you’ve been apprised of the situation* does make you a piece of shit..or at the least, it’s highly evidential of NPD. Again, not saying you have NPD, either. I don’t know. But if I had to bet $1000 on it and all I had to go on was the information that I currently have… A normal, level-headed response would have been something along the lines of “oh I didn’t realize that she left and isn’t interested in reconciling.” You did the opposite.

parent
link