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I used to have a serious self hatred problem which I thought I fixed but I think it just got masked as something else. I'm trying to do some soul searching and I think the self loathing has resurfaced.

Anyone have any good videos or material on how self loathing starts and how to end it before I completely ruin my life by creating more reasons to hate myself?

I used to have a serious self hatred problem which I thought I fixed but I think it just got masked as something else. I'm trying to do some soul searching and I think the self loathing has resurfaced. Anyone have any good videos or material on how self loathing starts and how to end it before I completely ruin my life by creating more reasons to hate myself?

(post is archived)

[–] • 3 pts (edited )

No video, but sometimes when I've felt bad I have used something like . I think it has worked to reduce anxiety sometimes. Starting with something like "I am feeling like shit", the answer to the final why, for me, is usually "for no good reason at all" and I realize it was just a trick of the mind.

[–] [deleted] • 1 pt

That's pretty cool, never thought to do that. I'll definitely have to meditate on this technique

[–] • 1 pt

It's really simple:

1) Are you objectively contemptible? E g. You live on welfare, spend all day watching tentacle porn, and have a daily quota of puppy kicking. Probably not.

2) Who told you to hate yourself? Odds are it was your parents, either because they were verbally abusive narcissists who enjoyed tormenting a helpless child, or because it was "for your own good" to traumatize the shit out of you because pretzel-logic.

[–] [deleted] • 2 pts

TLDR: I have lots experience with narccisistic parents who thought scaring a kid for life was good life experience. My biological father is a sweatheart, i wish i got to spend more time with him. (He's still alive, I'll see him again)

that is pretty insightful. i was repressing alot of anxiety because of the bills and now that we can pay them and we are ok now (fiance/baby/myself) NOW i blow up like a fucking psycho. i was sore for like two days from all the aggressive yelling and digging in the dirt (litterally, had a shovel, hoe and backyard that needed yard work.

But perhaps im just projecting alot of unresolved issues. when i was very little me and my siblings were put into a room and locked in there until dinner was ready. it wasnt like a horror movie, we had toys, the room was nice and we didnt spend the whole day in there. i think at that time my mom was a stay at home mom and didnt know how to balance her chores and watching the kids. but i didnt take it that way when it was happening. When we were like, ten-ish my mom divorced my dad because 'muh feminism' and struggled quite a bit to make ends meet (dumbass). If chores werent done when she got home from work she would yell and start throwing shit around (not literal shit). after divorcing one beta male later, she married an angry penis of a man who instilled quite a bit of discipline in me and had a temper that was off the charts. he was so toxic my siblings left to live with dad, but i was afraid my mom would kill herself so i stayed. one particular time they told me to have the whole house clean when they got home from a date. I got the kitchen spotless. place looked great. they get home and s-dad looked under the hood of the stove and lectured me for about half an hour about what an ungrateful sneaky brat i was, and wouldnt lay off until i was sobbing on the verge of a panic attack apologizing for deliberately not cleaning under the stove. my mom was convinced the harder she made life for me, the better equipped i would be to handle the real world.

[–] • 2 pts

i was repressing alot of anxiety because of the bills and now that we can pay them and we are ok now (fiance/baby/myself) NOW i blow up like a fucking psycho

Being financially stable is bringing out behavior you learned from your parent(s): if everything's hunky-dory, your default is going to be escalation and aggression because that's what you witnessed during stable times during your childhood. Much the same way you remember how to ride a bike or hold a pen. First acknowledge that they taught you this, and that it's not your fault for learning it. It'd be like being raised in France and then blaming yourself for swearing in French when someone kicks you in the shins. It's a difficult habit to unlearn.

Second, acknowledge that you want to change the habit. Then have a conversation with your fiance to the effect of "I learned a habit of blowing my top from my parents. I dont want our child to be exposed to that type of aggression and temper. Could you help me by telling me when you notice me acting this way, give me a hug, and remind me that it's ok to be frustrated. Then remind me that no one is going to be angry with me if I dont get everything perfect and take ten minutes to walk around the block to cool down."

That will do wonders to retrain your behavior from blowing your top. You're accustomed to a parent flipping their shit at you or locking you into a suburban cell when difficulties occured, so your behavior had a reason to exist in the past. Now that it no longer does, receiving comfort and reassurance instead from your spouse is going to feel bewildering and probably bring you to tears. But it will help you change how you respond to stress.

hey get home and s-dad looked under the hood of the stove and lectured me for about half an hour about what an ungrateful sneaky brat i was, and wouldnt lay off until i was sobbing on the verge of a panic attac

You probably know this at some level, but it'll help you to hear this: they'd have done the same thing no matter how much or how little you cleaned. The feeling of power from dominating and bullying others releases dopamine. They got off on screaming and belittling you into tears. They weren't trying to help you by providing negative feedback. You'll get this if you ask yourself "What would happen if I showed up at their house and screamed negative feedback at them for things they did wrong as grown adults which are 10,000 times worse than not cleaning a stove hood as a child?" Like divorces, locking children in rooms like prisoners, verbally abusing children, etc

You know exactly what they'd do. It wouldn't be "thank you for helping us improve". They'd flip their shit, assault you, call the cops to arrest you, etc. Because in no way were they trying to help you. They just got off from bullying a helpless victim.

[–] • 1 pt

There's tons of books on recovering from narcissistic parents. They even admit its mostly mothers.

Also lookup Julian blanc. Hes an ex pickup artist that pivoted to trama healing. Pretty cool dude in that space

[–] • 1 pt (edited )

I had the toxic cocktail as a very young child. Sexual abuse, emotional, physical. Everyone adult in my family was an expert manipulator. I spent four years in therapy for various issues, and a great therapist had me read this and do exercises from it. It helped me so much. I hope you try it. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/103999.Toxic_Parents Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. "All parents fall short from time to time. But Susan Forward pulls no punches when it comes to those whose deficiencies cripple their children emotionally. Her brisk, unreserved guide to overcoming the stultifying agony of parental manipulation—from power trips to guilt trips and all other killers of self worth—will help deal with the pain of childhood and move beyond the frustrating relationship patterns learned at home."

[–] • 1 pt

Have you tried fasting?

Can try deep breathing also. Take a seat, inhale as much as you can through your nose. Even pretend to make it comically large like you would if you were joking, expand shoulders and chest etc. As much as you can suck in

Exhale slowly through mouth. Do it for 2 or 3 minutes. Got nothing to lose except 2 to 3 minutes.

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

I'll try it out, sounds more productive than prayer

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

I think fasting is a pretty good idea. It drops my energy levels but I usually feel better somehow anyways. But I do all the cooking at the house so I need to work on self control because just cooking it seems to make me hungry

[–] • 1 pt

Instead self hatred or self loathing, try looking up anxiety videos or lack of confidence. Probably get the desired outcome.

But the best thing for anyone and everyone is exercise, getting outdoors and eating sensibly. And the exercise should have decent intensity at least twice a week.

[–] [deleted] • 1 pt

thats a good point. thanks for the tips! ill look those up.

I was feeling all wild this morning but went to lay out in the sun and now i feel alot better

[–] • 1 pt

Sunshine helps alot if you spend a lot of time indoors. Take a walk somewhere. Going through your stuff and organizing is also a good way to get perspective and prioritze

[–] • 1 pt

No problem. Honestly, exercise (with some high intensity ie short 80-95% efforts like HIIT or circuits), getting outdoors, good diet and throw in some socializing, that’s the fountain of youth and mental happiness right there.

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

Heck yeah. I do have issues trying to eat healthy but I think I just need to grow up and cook more veggies into my dishes. Most of what I eat is home made.

I got a little garden going, it's a good hobby that keeps me outside for a little bit. Being inside too long drives me nuts but somehow I do find it hard to get out of the house

[–] • 1 pt

Diet has helped me so much. I cut out almost all grains and carbs, ALL sugar. I eat green leafy vegetables and meat/seafood.

The modern diet is designed to make you feel this way.

Keto is the key for me.

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

That's a good point. My diet has been a lil lack luster lately. I have been trying to get a garden up and running so I can have more, better veggies in higher rotation but the sun only likes to grow these seeds so fast! Got some awesome tomatoes turning red now though :)

[–] • 1 pt

I would avoid tomatoes or any other starchy or sugary fruit or vegetables.

Basically, broccoli, cflower, asparagus, eggplant and leafy greens only.

Then as much meat, cheese and seafood as you want.

That is the diet that is the antithesis kryptonite to the low T globohomo diet that has been pushed on us to kill our spirits.

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

Ah dang, well that makes sense. Tomatoes are a fruit and there's already too much sugar in my diet. I do love broccoli though, putting that in my shepherds pie tonight

[–] • 1 pt

there's a good documentary called "the bridge". All the self help you'll need.

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

Nice! I'll give it a look, sounds like a good one!

[–] • 0 pt

I had one, but I forget, sorry I'm such a piece of shit.

[–] [deleted] • 1 pt

You should try self loathing, 1 in 5 doctors recommend it so they can prescribe you prescriptions and make one a lifetime client. This way, you don't need to remember where anything, much less a video, is.