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I grew up in a poor background - to the point that I regularly went around collecting cans to scrape together enough cash to buy used clothes at a thrift store because spending even $5 on a new t-shirt wasn't affordable. This gave me an excellent sense of frugality and an incredible work-ethic because I'd gladly work 3 jobs to put food on the table. I spent years either working, skilling up, applying for jobs, or frantically hoarding diversified assets. Boomers destroying the first several companies I worked at only reinforced the pervasive sense that winter is coming, all the food's going to be gone, and tomorrow there's going to be no income for months or years so you better save like it's 1402 and the flipping plague is rolling through the countryside.

I'm not poor anymore. I'll never be poor again. I'm wealthy now by any standard and even a Dickens-novel level financial disaster would pan out as a worst case of "Oh noez, I have to slum it and fly coach with the plebes".

Here's the catch: that poverty mindset that kept me from starving and made me wealthy? It still gives me fucking anxiety spending money I will never need and wouldn't notice if it was gone. Even if it's something trivial like $5 for a new shirt, I still get the skin-crawling sensation because I feel like I should be:

1) Hoarding that cash for a rainy day. 2) Investing it for a future rainy day. 3) Buying more ammo than I can carry incase of a Mad Max style apocalypse. 4) Buying more crypto or precious metals incase I need to bug out to another country on five minutes notice because the commies started stringing people up.

I know this is irrational. If that new shirt was $500, it still wouldn't matter because I have the resources and you can only wear so many shirts. But there's still that ohmagerd-Im-gonna-starve-if-I-dont-super-frugal-ARRRRRGHH emotion going on. How do I put a stake in the heart of this mentality that served me well for decades, but is no longer useful and is now straight up counter-productive?

I grew up in a poor background - to the point that I regularly went around collecting cans to scrape together enough cash to buy used clothes at a thrift store because spending even $5 on a new t-shirt wasn't affordable. This gave me an excellent sense of frugality and an incredible work-ethic because I'd gladly work 3 jobs to put food on the table. I spent years either working, skilling up, applying for jobs, or frantically hoarding diversified assets. Boomers destroying the first several companies I worked at only reinforced the pervasive sense that winter is coming, all the food's going to be gone, and tomorrow there's going to be no income for months or years so you better save like it's 1402 and the flipping plague is rolling through the countryside. I'm not poor anymore. I'll never be poor again. I'm wealthy now by any standard and even a Dickens-novel level financial disaster would pan out as a worst case of "Oh noez, I have to slum it and fly *coach* with the plebes". Here's the catch: that poverty mindset that kept me from starving and made me wealthy? It still gives me fucking anxiety spending money *I will never need and wouldn't notice if it was gone.* Even if it's something trivial like $5 for a new shirt, I still get the skin-crawling sensation because I feel like I should be: 1) Hoarding that cash for a rainy day. 2) Investing it for a future rainy day. 3) Buying more ammo than I can carry incase of a Mad Max style apocalypse. 4) Buying more crypto or precious metals incase I need to bug out to another country on five minutes notice because the commies started stringing people up. I know this is irrational. If that new shirt was $500, it still wouldn't matter because I have the resources and you can only wear so many shirts. But there's still that ohmagerd-Im-gonna-starve-if-I-dont-super-frugal-ARRRRRGHH emotion going on. How do I put a stake in the heart of this mentality that served me well for decades, but is no longer useful and is now straight up counter-productive?

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[–] • 1 pt

Like it has been said here already, separate the savings from the discretionary. Budget a spending purse and make sure it is spent by the end of the month. If it's the 30th you either splerge the rest on something or donate it.

Also, normal people don't just buy whatever they want. They pine over things and save for them. That anticipation often provides more enjoyment than the purchase. The part of your brain that had that expectation of reward is fried because you did not have stability. Try to work on that too.

Maybe get a hobby and set up an allowance. Every week you get some small amount for that hobby. Shop for things before you can afford them. Have a wish list. Set up some goals for your hobby that will allot you a bonus.

[–] • 0 pt

Budget a spending purse and make sure it is spent by the end of the month. If it's the 30th you either splurge the rest on something or donate it.

I think you're on to something. Even thinking about that brought the frugality weasels out in full force, despite me rationally knowing that's literally the point of budgeting. I think I'll try that and see if it helps retrain my brain that it's ok to spend a modest amount on frivolous things.

Also, normal people don't just buy whatever they want. They pine over things and save for them. That anticipation often provides more enjoyment than the purchase. The part of your brain that had that expectation of reward is fried because you did not have stability. Try to work on that too.

Completely agree. That part of my brain is definitely miswired. I went straight from "I cant save for it so there's no sense wanting it" to "I can buy it on a whim but the frugality weasels ensure net negative enjoyment than going without".

Maybe get a hobby and set up an allowance. Every week you get some small amount for that hobby. Shop for things before you can afford them. Have a wish list. Set up some goals for your hobby that will allot you a bonus.

That's part of the problem. I dont need to save for things so shopping or a wish list that normal people have would run smack into the irrational emotion of "Why are you 'wasting' money on something you dont need" and the logical "You're wasting time on an arbitrary budget for a thing you can afford to go buy on a whim".

Most of the hobbies I really enjoy are people-centric, which makes it hard to spend much on them. I dont want boats or cars or ski chalets, I want coffee with my book club or to invite some friends over for dinner.

[–] • 0 pt

I dont need to save for things

That is why you have an allowance for the hobby. Every week deposit $20 into the hobby account. You can only use that money for the hobby. It gives you the experience of a steady growth that you need to be patient with.