Have you noticed spare change going missing and strange hand rubbing sounds? You've got attic jews.
So Zyklon B?
Might be a bird
That could be. I'm going to try to get up there and take a look around. The room is made for nobody taller than 4 ft and bigger than a stunted 6th grader. I have no idea how the air conditioning guys built there gigantic contraption up there.
Midgets or oompaloompas?
Leave it some watermelon and fried chicken. If after a few moments you hear happy chimpout noises, I have bad news.
Luckily there's no blacks in this neighborhood. During the low interest rate years of trumpet they only got one white trash person that moved in. An Asian family moved in as well but they keep themselves and they're further down the road so nobody sees them.
It's the ghosts of all those you murdered in past lives. You'll need to atone for your sins.
That’s a lot of dead hookers though. Even if only from this one life.
What can I say?
I've already paid for my transgressions from years past believe me. They could be my father's. The land of this house is on previous to it being here was a dairy farm and then before that obviously indian land. For many years we found bones of the old cows that wandered around there was even two cow skulls laying around. Eventually they disintegrated but it was kind of fun having them propped on a rock in the backyard.
Hmmm. You'd better pay all your money to the climate tax, just to be sure.
It's probably a mouse. They sound bigger at night. I've had plenty in my attic and when they really get going they can be really loud.
Peanut butter traps gets em every time. One time I was considering gassing them but figured it'd either be a waste money or I'd inadvertently kill myself so just stick to the regular wooden traps. No need to get fancy.
Yesterday I was in Lowe's and I saw these gopher sticks and I immediately thought about killing all the Chipmunks on the property. Last night while I was listening to them chew up the roof I thought what if I just go by the sticks and toss one up there. Then I realized I'd burn the house down, probably not the best thing to do.
Squirrels.
we had flying squirrels in the attic once. it sounded like a five alarm chimpout every night.
I thought so too. But they're not nocturnal are they? Fuck I hope not those bastards will set the house on fire.
Flying squirrels are nocturnal.
If you notice claw marks on the corner of the house, it might indicate where raccoons are climbing in and out. They need an access to your attic though, a 6" or larger hole through rotten trim board or other way in. Squirrels only need a small hole or separation between boards (and they will gnaw at crevices until they can get in).
There is a tree that touches the house. I'm almost wondering if it needs to be trimmed back. I was just on the roof yesterday and didn't see anything raccoon-wise. But there are some rotted boards as well that my father will have to take care of.
It's either a phrogger or a raccoon
Racoons are prone to get in attics as well
I thought about going into the attic with a little 22 pistol seeing if I could stir up some trouble. My luck as I would shoot a hole through the air conditioner and then owe my father like 10,000 bucks.
That would be my luck. Guaranteed.
Cats are good rodent hunters.
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