I wake up at 4:30-5:00 every morning for no fucking reason other than my seething rage at the monumentally fucked state of the world.
Fuck Dan Andrews!
After 40 years of getting up at 6 i have been retired for ten years and i am the 'meaning' of retired. i get up at 7 or 8 some times but usually 9 or 10 because i go to bed at 11pm to 2am. Why would i care about when anyone else gets up?
I wake up at 5:00 am automatically because one job requires me too, and if I don't have it that day I go back to sleep until 1:30 pm because the other job requires me to work late nights.
It is kind of killing me.
And I try not to judge people, but judging people by the time they wake up is exceptionally silly.
how are your endorphin levels?
I've been depressed since I was 7 years old but that is just the nature of Theo. Working out is the only way too alleviate it but my sudden poverty since coming back from rehab has prevented me from joining a gym. I've tried working out at home, but could never stick to the habit, and even though one of my jobs is pretty exhaustive manual labor, for whatever reason it doesn't do it for me like the gym does.
Most days I wake up and have a mild anxiety attack.
I open my eyes and start to think of everyone everywhere all at once. All of the misery that I have brought into this world and unto my loved ones, either by being an asshole, or not being good enough. All the pain and suffering that I could have alleviated, but instead, I added to the general discontentment of the Universe by my actions.
I don't think I am Evil, or Malicious, but by not being the best human I possibly could be, I've hurt so many people, it makes me feel physically ill in a very palpable matter. I start to hyperventilate, and think about how suicide is really the only option.
You ever think about that? When I say suicide is the only option, I absolutely mean it in a very literal sense.
Like you were born to be you. You didn't really have a choice in the matter on who you were. You never got to choose if you were tall, or short, smart or a moron, black or white or a Jew. You never decided to be born rich or poor, and you don't really get decide your own personality, it is more a series of events that happen to you, mold you into who you are, be that a good or bad person.
But you do get to choose to exist. You do so everyday.
And you could choose to not exist. You could choose to opt out of this existence, through yourself off the bridge, hang yourself, shoot yourself, take the pills, lay down on the tracks, trick a cop into shooting you.
And that would be the only real, binary choice you ever made.
I have seen reality, and whoever is behind it wants us to suffer.
But what about you?
What time do you wake up?
I think I would do better on the Martian day (24 hours 39 minutes) if you wouldn't mind slowing the Earth's rotation just a tad
I open my eyes and start to think of everyone everywhere all at once. All of the misery that I have brought into this world and unto my loved ones, either by being an asshole, or not being good enough. All the pain and suffering that I could have alleviated, but instead, I added to the general discontentment of the Universe by my actions.
I do this too, it is a sign of an awake and compassionate mind. The universe is far greater than any one life and yet we strive to find a purpose within it. Remember even the search is worthwhile, you are a fragment of reality blessed with thought and sentience, all of your actions matter and will carry on in various ways.
Damn dude I'm sorry I was an asshole earlier. Ya see anticlutch said you're a jew so I was like hey maybe this guy is a jew etc.
Maybe this could help
Focus on your breath, Theo. One breath. One center. One light. One moment. The world will turn on it's one axis and you with it. Cultivate an interoceptive awareness of the divine to bring focus and balance to the exteroceptive reality of the quotidian. Learn from, but do not dwell on the past. Plan for, but do not depend on the future. There is only now. One moment. One light. One center. One breath. One Theo. One.
I have seen reality, and whoever is behind it wants us to suffer.
Suffering is an illusion. We are all made of God. Our bodies are just vessels. What you perceive as suffering is only where the light of God is slightly shaded. What you perceive as joy is where the light of God is brighter. But it's all God.
Sleep is for faggots. More coffee now.
I stay in good enough shape I can rise anytime provided i'm not sleep deprived for long periods of time. I'll generally arise 5-7 weekdays unless i want to be up later on a friday. Sat is never a problem i always sleep in sat. Mondays always suck tho.
I stay in good enough shape
I bet I could wrestle you to the ground
I bet i'd let you. I'm so very lonely.
It would start off so rough and tumble.
Both of us, going at it full force.
I bet you'd get a few good shots in, maybe even almost pin me.
You'd probably fight dirty, too. Maybe even bite my ears when the ref wasn't looking.
But I'm too big and too strong for you.
Eventually you would be overwhelmed and powerless.
I'd pin you, and whisper in your ear
Nice match, faggot
Then we would have gay sex and get married because this is Obama's America.
If I'm running that morning, I can wake up at any time, and 5:00AM is about the average. If I'm working that morning, no later than 6:00AM.
People who stay up all fucking night and sleep until late in the afternoon, especially when they have no reason to (like a night shift job) irk me to no fucking end.
I like to get up before the sunrise, so I'm up at 5 during the winter and up at 4 during the summer. I think people who don't get to experience a sunrise everyday are missing out
Normally 8 hours after I go to sleep. And this is a body clock, I don't even have to set an alarm. For health reasons I don't allow myself to operate with less sleep unless on a real actual exception.
I can't really hold against or for anyone that operates differently. I operate strictly on health reasons.
I do hold it against people who think I'm lower for not waking up earlier etc, while they themselves get away with waking up earlier by just getting less sleep. I was raised to be an early riser and early to work. I 'violently' take it against people who essentially both piss on my illness and be a damn vile liar at the same time.
I don't "sleep" like normal people. I nap. I sleep on average about 2-4 hours, 2-3 times a day. I envy everyone else. I do not remember the last time I slept a whole 8 hours. I have no idea what that must be like.
I like to wake up in time to take care of my chickens and goats before I go to work. I feel like people who don't get up in time to do those things are pieces of shit.
(post is archived)