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I have two options and was wondering which is best. She lives in the ephemeral dumpster crapfest that is NYC. Her family is hpyer controlling and they got to go, since they've been pissing me off lately. Not that they cant be nice, but they're the type of family that complains they always have drama when they're the ones creating the drama. Originally my plan was to move her very far away suddenly, but I'm also thinking a slow boil approach would work where i slowly move her away farther and farther

I have two options and was wondering which is best. She lives in the ephemeral dumpster crapfest that is NYC. Her family is hpyer controlling and they got to go, since they've been pissing me off lately. Not that they cant be nice, but they're the type of family that complains they always have drama when they're the ones creating the drama. Originally my plan was to move her very far away suddenly, but I'm also thinking a slow boil approach would work where i slowly move her away farther and farther

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[–] • 6 pts

She sounds very immature and you are heading for big trouble. She is controlled by her parents and will gladly transfer that control to you until something goes wrong. Then she will blame you for making her unhappy. Then she will run home to the childhood security of mommy and daddy. She needs to break the apron strings before you marry her. You can encourage her but you can't do it for her. Make it clear to her that she needs to learn to stand up to her parents as an adult before you marry her.

[–] [deleted] • 1 pt

I noticed this too, the family whips her into a panic and then she gets very high anxiety, this has happened multiple times to the point where its very aggravating. It's not a deal breaker, but it has also caused her to ask very inappropriate questions about my past life to placate her family. Surprising no one it did nothing to placate the family, who used the answers to feed an insatiable frenzy

[+] [deleted] • 4 pts
[–] • 3 pts

Just live wherever you want. If you move because of them, they're also controlling you. It's not like they can't just call her.

Slowly move farther away, what are you high?

[–] • 2 pts

Funny…you actually seem to be the one with control issues

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

Im not, im a very patient person, this is just stuff i noticed from her frequenting with her family and parents

[–] • 1 pt

The drama is not going to end because you move away; It will change. The complaints will shift to 'we never see you anymore' and 'you chose him over us' and crap like that.

If you think about it, your 3rd option is to call off the wedding before it gets worse. Imagine the drama if you had kids and they never saw them.

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

Fair point, they've actually used all those lines before, and it's making her very upset because she just wants her family to stop. I dont think she realizes narcs and abusers very rarely ever stop their ways and usually double down on the abuse before "leaving you alone"

[–] • 1 pt

If you try to control someone else's life you're going to end up disappointed. That's the only guarantee in this situation.

If your fiance doesn't see her family as a problem, you're going to be the one she views as the problem.

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

This girl seems damaged. What is she, hot or something?

I can't say "I would end this relationship" because I have my own issues and rarely end things, but you might consider it.

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

She has an amazing heart and soul, and very cute, however she is also coming from a very neurotic and abusive family. However, the primary reasons im not breaking up with her:

  • She has an extremely low sexual partner count. Since she was always shamed and humiliated by her own family for having feelings of attraction, she only had one prior partner in her entire life. Based off the way she acts and behaves when it comes to sex and her "tightness", i would tend to believe her. She's also never had an orgasm and was shamed for masturbation, making her a complete novice and outright terrified of sex.

  • She has acknowledged there is a problem in her family and WANTS to fix it, but is simply unsure how this fixing should be done. In essence she is awakened, but an infant to the world of hostile abuse, especially coming from a simplistic Christian ideal that all family is inherently good (laughably dumb), which im not even surprised the parents would use this one, since its very common in abusive religious families

  • Every time she leaves or puts distance between her and her family, they immediately start hounding her, calling 50 times a day, driving by her house, harrasing her, etc. In this sense, the first clear cut step to getting rid of the toxic issues is to remove her from the environment completely. However, since she has nowhere to go due to the way her house is structured in relationship to her parents, she's kinda lost.

Having dealt with this myself, the fallout from leaving such a helicopter family is devastating and usually very hostile. However, it is possible

[–] • 0 pt

Rofl.

How do I split my fiance apart form her family?

Found the kike.

account deleted by user

Confirmed.

[–] • 0 pt

Your first mistake is trying to make her choose between her and her family. Odds are you will lose sooner or later.

[–] • 0 pt

Caution! Distance won't do jack if she is still mentally wrapped up with them.

I've seen young wives spend 2 hrs on the phone each day with their mother ... it isn't healthy and never ends well for the marriage. (I say "young wives" because they either cut that out, or the marriage fails.)

When I was dating 30+ years ago (thankfully, before I proposed), I made it very clear to my (now wife) we would need to put our relationship and communication between us must stay between us. That her over sharing would be a deal breaker for me. She was one who had a close relationship with her mother, so it was natural for her to share "everything". She understood / agreed and we setup some guidelines. She created some distance and prioritized our relationship over the one with her mother.

Now, her parents are in their 80's and live next door (literally) and it's a great relationship. Her mother has learned to respect our boundaries and - in turn - we can help them in their old age.

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