if they say no, i cant really see the relationship surviving. She's very family focussed so no blessing from the family is gonna just end the relationship
Don't listen to that fool. You don't just square up and ask. If you are getting mixed signals from your girlfriend on what reaction to prepare for and you are questioning waiting because you aren't sure what is going to happen, the obvious problem is that you don't know them well enough. Yes wait, and get to know them, let them get to know you. Your worry indicates you haven't done that legwork yet, and if you want to spend your life with her, isn't it worthwhile to hang out with the father and/or mother at least a couple of times to have a better footing on the situation than just blind flying awkwardly with mixed signals? Do you have their phone numbers in your phone? Have you at least texted or called, sent them photos of the two of you together? Parents eat that stuff up, they want to see their daughter happy. Show them you are responsible and friendly, then have at least a hangout or two at least at dinner but more preferably something more interactive and less formal, something they like, like a sportsball game or a picnic at a park or hell help out with yardwork or go to the aquarium with the 4 of you. Be polite and respectful. Once they know you and you know them, it will be much easier.
And get them a Christmas present dammit, this is the perfect time of year to be charming. I had steaks from omaha steaks (dot com) sent to mine.
Dont have their phone numbers or anything, as for christmas ill have to figure something out in terms of gifts
Do you think she would react unfavorably if you asked her for one of their numbers? No need to ask for both, since anything you communicate will be shared if they live together. It's easy if you think she would let you have it. If not, if they live close, you could offer to come by sometime over the Christmas holidays to drop off their gift (that you thoughtfully picked out, which hopefully will impress her) to them and say hello. While you are there you could bring up in conversation pretty much anything that you and she do or plan to do together, and then offer to send them photos (if you want to be subtle, do it as an afterthought "oh hey, if you would like, I could text you the pictures I take of us while we..."). Another approach is to offer them your phone number, "just in case they can't get ahold of ____".
Try and do an activity with the 4 of you. Propose something they will enjoy. The gf should be able to help there. Once you hung out with them a bit and know them better talk to the father. If you havent gotten to know him wel enough at this point you can see if he will join you for dinner or a beer. Whatever his preferences. If you get his blessing its generally good enough.
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