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I have no idea what to ask or how to bring up the subject? Im also getting very mixed signals from my gf on what type of reaction to prepare for, which is making me question if i should instead wait it out until 2023 or maybe even summer

I have no idea what to ask or how to bring up the subject? Im also getting very mixed signals from my gf on what type of reaction to prepare for, which is making me question if i should instead wait it out until 2023 or maybe even summer

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[–] • 6 pts

You should square up, and ask with confidence. Treat it the same way you'd treat proposing to your future wife. Ask them to a nice dinner. Either cook something wonderful or take them to a nice restaurant. Eat the meal, have pleasant conversation. Towards the end, near dessert, bring up the subject and ask them directly. Do not be weak, do not show nervousness as much as possible. Show that that you'll be a strong, able provider for their daughter. If they say no, so be it, but as with anything you do, do it like a boss and whatever happens, happens.

[–] • 1 pt

What if they say no? In my mind you are asking for their blessing, not their permission.

[–] • 0 pt

Is respect their wishes. Perhaps continue to court their daughter if she wishes it. But their decision for you not to marry her is theirs. They might change their mind in time. There's a lot of what ifs in this scenario

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

One one hand they would have told her to stop dating me if they didn't like me. On the other hand, the parents may see it as too soon to ask

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

if they say no, i cant really see the relationship surviving. She's very family focussed so no blessing from the family is gonna just end the relationship

[–] • 2 pts

Don't listen to that fool. You don't just square up and ask. If you are getting mixed signals from your girlfriend on what reaction to prepare for and you are questioning waiting because you aren't sure what is going to happen, the obvious problem is that you don't know them well enough. Yes wait, and get to know them, let them get to know you. Your worry indicates you haven't done that legwork yet, and if you want to spend your life with her, isn't it worthwhile to hang out with the father and/or mother at least a couple of times to have a better footing on the situation than just blind flying awkwardly with mixed signals? Do you have their phone numbers in your phone? Have you at least texted or called, sent them photos of the two of you together? Parents eat that stuff up, they want to see their daughter happy. Show them you are responsible and friendly, then have at least a hangout or two at least at dinner but more preferably something more interactive and less formal, something they like, like a sportsball game or a picnic at a park or hell help out with yardwork or go to the aquarium with the 4 of you. Be polite and respectful. Once they know you and you know them, it will be much easier.

[–] • 0 pt

Try and do an activity with the 4 of you. Propose something they will enjoy. The gf should be able to help there. Once you hung out with them a bit and know them better talk to the father. If you havent gotten to know him wel enough at this point you can see if he will join you for dinner or a beer. Whatever his preferences. If you get his blessing its generally good enough.

[–] • 3 pts

Duel to the death is the time honored way. Hopefully her Mom isn't too tough.

But seriously. It is 100% your thing so own it. Your GF doesn't get an opinion. We've been brainwashed for years to defer to the chick on all matters to do with a wedding because it's her special day and all that crap. Leave the flowers and seating arrangements and all the rest of the BS that chicks love to her. You have only a couple of duties here and asking the father for his daughter's hand and then showing up at the church on time are 2 of them. Putting a baby in her on the wedding night is the other one.

My wife-to-be's father looked over joyed when I asked him. Frankly I think he was glad to be rid of her. I love her to death but she can be a PITA.

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

Generally im of the theory if i cant gauge or predict the reaction, its too soon or not advisable to ask something. This comes back from my own parents who would emotionally abuse me to shit and back over even the slightest issue in communication or emotional weakness. Pretty sure i would have a mild internal panic attack if things didnt go 100% exactly as planned

[–] • 3 pts

Have you been dating over a year? Are you the same race as the girl? Is she “ the one and only soulmate that is perfect for you”?

If yes, talk to her, plan it ( at their home, maybe a Sunday) and be honest and direct and ask. If they have worries or questions, be prepared to answer them and work on whatever they ask.

[–] [deleted] • 1 pt

No, Yes, Yes. I have no idea what worries they could have, or what questions to ask

[–] • 0 pt

If everything is great, don’t rush. Take your time. Is there some reason you feel the need to rush into marriage?

[–] [deleted] • 1 pt

I dont personally feel rushed, but ive been receiving lots of conflicting information from multiple sources which is confusing me. My church was telling me dont wait, do it now. Than she was saying we should wait, but now she wants to get married soon and wants me to ask her parents. But if i cant gauge the parents' reactions, i dont even want to touch the subject, since my gf has given me very very conflicting reactions on what to expect from the parents.

[–] • 1 pt

So it doesn't go bad over time? What else is there to wait for?

[–] • 2 pts

"May I insert my penis into your daughter following Judeo-Christian approved dogma."

[–] • 2 pts

What would you do if he said no?

[–] [deleted] • 1 pt

wait until next year, wouldnt get offended over it

[–] • 2 pts

What if he said no permanently? Would you or she abide by it?

[–] • 3 pts

He should pick up his phone and pretend to make a phone call and say out loud "Hi this is . Just calling you to confirm the cancellation of the 14.88 carats diamond engagement ring we've discussed about last week. Thanks and sorry for the inconvenience. See you again!"

[–] [deleted] • 2 pts

not sure, that would probably terminate the relationship as there wouldnt be a way to conflict her love of her family with me being in that family

[–] • 2 pts

You ask. That's the point. Why would the father say no?

Do you have a future? Are you hard working, sincere, honest, ambitious, patient, and kind? If not why tf are you worried about someone else when you need to work on yourself.

Do you have a real connection with the woman or is it just a physical longing? Parents can tell.

If the answers to these are yes then the parents would be thrilled.

If they aren't then their opinion doesn't matter

[–] [deleted] • 2 pts

Do you have a future? Are you hard working, sincere, honest, ambitious, patient, and kind? If not why tf are you worried about someone else when you need to work on yourself.

Yes I would say so, in terms of my own self im very hard working and persistent, but have difficult times navigating the current cluterfuck that is clown world. However my intentions are always pure

Do you have a real connection with the woman or is it just a physical longing? Parents can tell.

I would ssay i have a real connection, a lot of times when she gets too physical i actually stop her from going too far, since i want us to be married first before we get too physical.

[–] • 0 pt

How long have you been together? How long have you held a job? How long has it been serious enough to consider marriage? The older you get the more patient you get. A father will say no if you jump the gun because he has learned the value of patience.

Then man up, and ask in a respectful way.

[–] [deleted] • 1 pt

We;ve been together around half the year, ive held down jobs for close to a decade now or so, im technically an upper level manager

[–] • 0 pt (edited )

How old are you two? We can give better advice if we know your situation better.

a lot of times when she gets too physical i actually stop her from going too far, since i want us to be married first before we get too physical.

It isn't your job to preserve her virtue, if she has any. The fact that she is trying to have sex with you suggests that her past isn't perfect. If she has had sex before, then why shouldn't you have sex with her now?

If she isn't a virgin then asking her father doesn't make sense. That ship has sailed.

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

If she has had sex before, then why shouldn't you have sex with her now?

She wants to wait until marriage, so whilst she is not a virgin, the last time she had sex was close to 20 years ago now

If she isn't a virgin then asking her father doesn't make sense. That ship has sailed.

Hence my confusion honestly, she's well up there in age (in her 30s), as am i (upper 30s) so asking her dad seems ... retarded? But on the other hand, if that's what she wants, then i guess it doesn't matter much.

Part of my theory is that she wants to get married to get rid of her family induced guilt complex over being intimate, thinking being married will make them go away. But she'll find out, that getting married doesn't make those feelings suddenly go away

[–] • 1 pt

Expectations just set you up for disappointment

[–] • 1 pt

Shouldn’t they have heard good things about you already? I’d be frustrated if I had this need of approval to be in question.

[–] [deleted] • 1 pt

its very antiquated ill give them that, im also not sure what benefit it can bring to the table, since if they say no it will bring resentment to the relationship, and if they say yes it only affirms a constant that was already known. In either case it can be seen as a waste of time, or a relationship killer

[–] • 0 pt

I feel like you've hinted that you're Christian. If so, God will make a way for things to progress naturally without awkwardness, whether or not it is meant to be. He always does. It is when we try to do things on our own that there arise problems.

Pray on it.

[–] • 0 pt

These are the times in your life where you wished you lived in a trailer park. They would assumed you have already fcked her and this is the next logical step.

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