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My folks have moved to Florida for the winter. My mother however is in memory care because she has mid-stage to beginning late stage dementia. There's a man in the nursing home who's taking a liking to her and they've been hanging out for the past couple of days and the staff isn't exactly trying to figure out how to have that not happen. My father comes to visit and finds this guy and my mom hanging out and he brings it up to the staff and they're like oh it's harmless. My dad's condo association just had a meeting yesterday and they went around the room and talked about their lives to each other as kind of a meet and greet. And my father keened up to a divorcee from New Jersey. So he went to go bullshit with her after the event and I think she invited him to happy hour on Friday. To me the kicker is obviously they're married, obviously they're lonely. My mother has told me that she wants to be intimate and her husband left and all she was left with was just this caretaker person (my dad). This is when she was back home. This just sounds like a dumpster fire waiting to happen. I want my dad to be happy and my mother deserves that too. at the end of the day my father is going to go home in May and my mom's going to be left in a nursing home by herself till November. My father would probably enjoy the company of this woman however it goes. I'm not saying anything will happen but I also told him that I didn't really care if it did, I'd like to see him happy, but I don't want to see him do something stupid and get played. What do you guys think?

My folks have moved to Florida for the winter. My mother however is in memory care because she has mid-stage to beginning late stage dementia. There's a man in the nursing home who's taking a liking to her and they've been hanging out for the past couple of days and the staff isn't exactly trying to figure out how to have that not happen. My father comes to visit and finds this guy and my mom hanging out and he brings it up to the staff and they're like oh it's harmless. My dad's condo association just had a meeting yesterday and they went around the room and talked about their lives to each other as kind of a meet and greet. And my father keened up to a divorcee from New Jersey. So he went to go bullshit with her after the event and I think she invited him to happy hour on Friday. To me the kicker is obviously they're married, obviously they're lonely. My mother has told me that she wants to be intimate and her husband left and all she was left with was just this caretaker person (my dad). This is when she was back home. This just sounds like a dumpster fire waiting to happen. I want my dad to be happy and my mother deserves that too. at the end of the day my father is going to go home in May and my mom's going to be left in a nursing home by herself till November. My father would probably enjoy the company of this woman however it goes. I'm not saying anything will happen but I also told him that I didn't really care if it did, I'd like to see him happy, but I don't want to see him do something stupid and get played. What do you guys think?

(post is archived)

[–] • 3 pts

Life is messy. Love is messier.

I would say let them live out their lives doing what makes them happy.

[–] • 1 pt

I agree, but I also don't know how any of this will pan out. My dad pays for the nursing home and how weird will it be if my mom is sleeping with another guy and my dad selling out all this money. I guess it could be seen as alimony for the divorce he should have gotten. I want him to be happy with the divorcee that he's potentially interested in but I don't want to see him get played because he's old and desperate or conned for that matter. Because that shit does happen.

[–] • 0 pt

Dudes she's dementia next Nov she won't remember u

[–] • 1 pt

Yeah she has no idea who I am pretty much already. Like she will recognize the name but she doesn't understand the significance of what that really means. Her memory of me right now is 12 years old she thinks I'm a 12 year old boy. My concern about my father is I don't want to see him get taken by this woman if it all works out. Cuz he's going to try his damnedest to bag the beauty and he's going to just start throwing money at it. That's never a good idea but my father is a mouth breathing golf idiot so you can't expect much. I've told him to watch his money with doing dumb shit and he sort of listens but not really.

[+] [deleted] • 0 pt
[–] • 0 pt

Dementia is a fucking rough bitch. None of the traditional rules apply in that situation. All you can do is try to make the best out of the situation with the right intentions. I'm sorry to hear that your family has to deal with it.

[–] • 1 pt

Thanks. Yeah it's a crappy situation. I wish they just had more time together but God at other plans.

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt (edited )

Firstly make sure the guy in the nursing home with your mother isn't sexually abusing her- put a camera in her room and don't tell the shit worthy staff about the camera. It's got to be hard on your father seeing his wife so unwell. While he's away are you able to visit your mother weekly to check on her and make sure she's safe and being looked after?

Saying "I don't care" or "I could care less" isn't really true or you wouldn't be posting your concerns here. As we grow older we have to look after the welfare of our aging parents, even those that were not good at the parenting stuff . Try to keep an eye on both your mother and father, sounds like they each in their own way need you to be there for them

[–] • 1 pt

Well what I meant by not caring is I mean if he wants to sleep with that woman, if he has the opportunity he could pull a JFK and I'd be okay with that. He has been without the embrace of a woman for a long time and he's bounded through some made up man religion that's not allowing him moments of joy in the last remaining years of his life. That's what I was saying about that. I don't know if the man is sexually abusing my mother to be honest. she's at that level of dementia where she would probably initiate it but not even really know what she's doing. I'm sure at this point they're probably holding hands when they're walking and maybe even kissing. My dad is not a fighter he's been beat up more times in his life than he has actually won a fight but he sure knows how to scream. So if he does find out that there's any hanky panky going on the staff is going to get an earful. I can't physically be in Florida other than a visit maybe for a week next year. He invited me down for Thanksgiving on Christmas but I declined. He needs to be fully settled there before I want to go down. If my brother went with his family I'd go because then there's more deflective abilities. I'll ask my dad what he feels about putting a webcam in her room. Although I have no idea how we would actually hide it or whatever and then how to get the feed out of that I don't even know how any of that would work. At that point if something does happen what do we do with that do we press charges against the man who doesn't know what he's doing do we press charges against the nursing home because they're inept then where do we put my mother. My father can't afford anywhere else that's the problem. So in a way he's kind of fucked.