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I remember for my younger birthdays, my mom would continuously make it about herself, pull knives on me or my brothers, yell at us, berate us. one day she made us verbally explain why we were complete wastes of human space, and how we could become better sons. she always tried to divide my brothers so we could always use her to talk to others, like an intermediarry. any time we would hang out without her permission, she would get mad at us for weeks at a time, send us to a black box essentially. it was like this black box with no light or windows, and we just had to sit there and reflect. it eventually led to me and my brothers learning to love isolation, which is another problem in itself

my gf's family on the other hand doesn't really operate under this principle and it really confuses me. they like being nice to me, giving me gifts, and cards, and hanging out with me. the thing is my brain is very confused by this behavior, because it can't make out why someone would want to be that nice to me. they actually like talking to each other and hanging out, and it makes no sense to me. they ask me questions. a few times it short circuited my brain too much, because my brain simply can't accept benevolence from others, it tries, but it always ends up breaking down due to a complete lack of understanding

I remember for my younger birthdays, my mom would continuously make it about herself, pull knives on me or my brothers, yell at us, berate us. one day she made us verbally explain why we were complete wastes of human space, and how we could become better sons. she always tried to divide my brothers so we could always use her to talk to others, like an intermediarry. any time we would hang out without her permission, she would get mad at us for weeks at a time, send us to a black box essentially. it was like this black box with no light or windows, and we just had to sit there and reflect. it eventually led to me and my brothers learning to love isolation, which is another problem in itself my gf's family on the other hand doesn't really operate under this principle and it really confuses me. they like being nice to me, giving me gifts, and cards, and hanging out with me. the thing is my brain is very confused by this behavior, because it can't make out why someone would want to be that nice to me. they actually like talking to each other and hanging out, and it makes no sense to me. they ask me questions. a few times it short circuited my brain too much, because my brain simply can't accept benevolence from others, it tries, but it always ends up breaking down due to a complete lack of understanding

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[–] • 7 pts

It can be disconcerting when you are around people who are well adjusted and have healthy interpersonal relationships when you come from a dysfunctional and abusive family.

You will think it's all an act , that people aren't really like that. It will take time and some work , but you can have healthy relationships.

I would suggest couples counseling , if you can find a decent counselor, but that's easier said than done

[–] [deleted] • 5 pts

I remember when i was dating someone years prior, my mom was upset at me because my mom always assumed i would only be tied to her. She even said that she was the only woman for me, and i didn't need anyone else. It feels more like i escaped prison than a family, and yet no one really understands around me just how bad these people can be. Even my gf is still insisting she wants to go meet them one day, which i am very very reluctant to do. My mom also manipulated one of my dates at one point that she was breaking apart the family, to pressure her to break up with me, so its not like my mom is a soft little deer in the headlights either

[–] • 1 pt

Are you just trolling or is this actually a real story? This is the kind of thing that I would read on reddit. Where was your father in all of this?

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

It actually happened a lot of different times for different reasons. My dad was a spineless cuck who had nothing better to do than fuck right off when he had to witness the carnage. Especially when we were young, he would always conveniently have to go on some kind of business tripe or something

[–] • 1 pt

I wish you luck . Hope you can break the chains of your past

[–] • 2 pts

That is key. Accept you come from a screwed up situation, and go the other way. Introspection and self discipline will help. As an aside, stay well away from anyone toxic connected to your past. Put them on " avoid."

[–] • 0 pt

Kick the bitch to the curb, after giving her something nasty to remember you by. Just because she ruined your early life does not mean you have to indulge her any further. No family is far superior to a fucked up one. Cut the ties that bind.

[–] • 2 pts

I would suggest couples counseling , if you can find a decent counselor

That's a big "if".