Any Jews here? I need your advice about bagels. First off, how do you cut them? I tried cutting them right through like a slice of bread, but I almost broke one. Then I tried cutting them around the outside in a circle around the hole, and that seemed to work better. What's the approved Jew way? My wife bought bagels. I've only eaten a bagel once or twice before in my life. They are frustrating little bastards. Everything you put on them falls through the hole. I tried putting aprocot jam on them, and the jam is uneven because I can't spread it without it falling through the hole in the middle, or off the edge. Let's compare the bagel with the English muffin. The bagel has a tricksie hole in the middle that is like a black hole in space. Stuff falls through and you never see it again, until you find it on the front of your shirt. The English muffin, on the other hand, is solid, reliable, trustworthy, and good. No Jew hole to cheat you out of 20% of your food. What you put on an English muffin, you can spread evenly and easily. The qualities of the bagel say a lot about the general nature of the Jewish people. Hard to manage, tough to chew, empty at the center, frustrating. I doubt I'll be eating many of these. Not a fan.