I have been there too man. I got diagnosed with Bipolar 2 and went on latuda and lithium. I haven't really contemplated suicide since. Doctors get alot of shit, but they do alot of good things too. If you get the right diagnosis and right meds, they really can help. Dealing with suicidal thoughts is brutal and wears on you for sure. Try to remember how final death is. None of us know what happens after, so if you off yourself, you may be giving up your one shot at life. You never really know what's around that next corner, and it could be something awesome. Another thing that helped me was making sure my self care was in order. Have you taken a shower? Have you walked at all today? Have you eaten something healthy? Also talking to friends always helps me as well. You don't have to talk about suicide, but just shooting the shit with a friend can pull you away from your misery. Fuck, talk to me bro. I'll talk with you any time.