I do advise people to allow themselves to feel their grief. Dont have to have a public display if that is too trying. But then in your own space, really allow yourself to feel it and get it out of you. This will take some time. It finally took me going out for a ride at night and just started yelling my grief, but not one was exposed to the intensity of it. It sorta sounded like i was being murdered. Just being honest. I have observed people even develop respiratory issues because they "held it in". Honor the grief that you feel. The death of parents sucks. Just dont tamp it down into your spirit and it then never really get resolved. Then it might just gnaw at you. It is not about just being the tough guy. Take that time for yourself to feel it when that time comes. So what is also happening, of course, is the emotions. Not just what is going on mentally. I pray that you receive the support that you need at that time of loss. That does not make you less of a man, it makes you human. Be also careful concerning isolation. Hope you got some good frens to walk with you on that road. Oh, another comment reminded me. I missed out on alot of the "lore" of our fam. Stories i will never hear. The data is lost, i mean the memories. Comms with my fam were not the best, not for lack of love, but just i was different. You have some time to speak from your heart. I must assume for many there will always be SOME regrets. Also do not let those gnaw at you. Dont give the enemy a foothold. But until that very hard moment, you can still communicate now (i hope). Once they are gone, as you already know, not even five more seconds. Gone. You will get through this.