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Title is pretty self explanatory, in my life most of my family passed when I was young, father when I was 2, grandparents/aunts uncles when I was in my young teens. Now as an adult I am faced with the possibility of losing my mother, yes she is fully vaxxed (not looking for ridicule, I know the dangers and was not able to keep her from the poison), just looking for you know, advice on how to mentally deal with losing someone close without losing oneself.

Title is pretty self explanatory, in my life most of my family passed when I was young, father when I was 2, grandparents/aunts uncles when I was in my young teens. Now as an adult I am faced with the possibility of losing my mother, yes she is fully vaxxed (not looking for ridicule, I know the dangers and was not able to keep her from the poison), just looking for you know, advice on how to mentally deal with losing someone close without losing oneself.

(post is archived)

[–] • 9 pts

Grieve, accept it and carry her memory with you. She's not dead yet so tell her the things you would regret not telling her before she does. There really isn't more to it, everyone copes with loss differently just don't use her death as an excuse to be a degenerate fag and you will be fine.

[–] • 0 pt

Thank you, this helps put the moment into perspective. She isn't gone yet, there is still time to see and speak with her.

[–] • 3 pts

Just don't tell her what your username is...

[–] • 0 pt

That gave me a good laugh, I think her head would explode if she ever even saw this website. I don't even think the username would be noticed.

[–] • 1 pt

Get family history if you can. Add notes and dates/ locations to photos.

[–] [deleted] • 4 pts

Everyone dies and it all comes down to what you belive happens after you die. The universe would be a truly fucked up place if this shitty life was the only one we got.

[–] • 7 pts

That's it for me. I've buried one of my infants already. I'd have been much worse off without the knowledge that I'll see and hold her again one day before the Throne of God. And until then, she's in better hands than mine, for what safer place for a baby to be than in the arms of the Creator.

[–] • 3 pts

My wife and I had to deal with 2 miscarriages that were 25 weeks in. It was awful. We now have a healthy almost 2 year old girl and another on the way. I cannot even fathom what you went through.

[–] • 1 pt

I know it can be a bit morbid but thats how i feel it to be. If all we have is one chance. Better not waste it.

[–] • 0 pt

Thank you, this helps to think if and when she passes there will be more for her in the end. I've never been a religious person so this perspective I've never considered.

[–] • 0 pt

After life there is death, not another life.

[–] • 3 pts

It's nature for offspring to bury parents.

One way, is to deal with the inevitable by planning for it.

  • From bed to grave

so to speak.

Who will you invite?

Where? How? Who?

Will you be one others can lean on?

Or will you be one who needs leaning?

Regardless of emotional "sway", a loss is a loss.

Some can stay pretty strong. Others have a harder time.

Just being prepared, I think, can help a lot when the day comes.

[–] • 2 pts

Thank you, these are all good points to consider to be prepared for when the inevitable does happen.

[–] • 2 pts

I do advise people to allow themselves to feel their grief. Dont have to have a public display if that is too trying. But then in your own space, really allow yourself to feel it and get it out of you. This will take some time. It finally took me going out for a ride at night and just started yelling my grief, but not one was exposed to the intensity of it. It sorta sounded like i was being murdered. Just being honest. I have observed people even develop respiratory issues because they "held it in". Honor the grief that you feel. The death of parents sucks. Just dont tamp it down into your spirit and it then never really get resolved. Then it might just gnaw at you. It is not about just being the tough guy. Take that time for yourself to feel it when that time comes.

So what is also happening, of course, is the emotions. Not just what is going on mentally.

I pray that you receive the support that you need at that time of loss. That does not make you less of a man, it makes you human. Be also careful concerning isolation. Hope you got some good frens to walk with you on that road.

Oh, another comment reminded me. I missed out on alot of the "lore" of our fam. Stories i will never hear. The data is lost, i mean the memories. Comms with my fam were not the best, not for lack of love, but just i was different. You have some time to speak from your heart. I must assume for many there will always be SOME regrets. Also do not let those gnaw at you. Dont give the enemy a foothold. But until that very hard moment, you can still communicate now (i hope). Once they are gone, as you already know, not even five more seconds. Gone.

You will get through this.

[–] • 1 pt

Sounds like you've been through it all already.

[–] • 1 pt

That's what I thought, but when she rushed to the hospital clutching her chest nothing prepared me for the reality of her not coming back this time.

[–] [deleted] • 1 pt

Cope with it by just remembering that you'll not only go through this once with your mother's generation kicking the bucket, you might go through it again in your sunset years as you watch your peers drop dead one after another...

My grandmother is going through, or rather went through, the latter. All of her siblings and friends are dead, she's all that's left of her circle of peers.

[–] • 1 pt

My guess is have kids but I wouldn't know

I would suggest start making recordings of her, visit her 100 times more often than you normally would.

[–] • 1 pt

I have one child, wish things worked better with his mother, I would love to fill the world with my seed. I love that idea of the recordings, wish I thought to start sooner. We used to have weekly Sunday dinner at her house up until the lock down and covid madness. I will have to start making them mandatory even if I have to start hosting.

[–] • 0 pt

I lost my wife last year due to medical malpractice. So maybe my experience can help you with what will come. I woke up a happy man and when the day ended my life had been forever changed.

I'm going to get around to your question so just bear with this.

Honestly there are 2 types of deaths: expected and unexpected. With the expected deaths there are chances to make peace, say the things you wish to say, and obviously prepare for what's to come...both in terms of business and person issues. With unexpected deaths it's much harder to deal with. You don't get the chances listed above. I'm lucky I had a good loving relationship with my wife. So I'm not suffering with what wasn't said between us or the peace between us. I've just had to deal with the pain of losing a soulmate. Taking care of the above will help with the issues below and make enduring what will happen easier.

And now on to your question. I personally believe that no matter what you do, you're going to lose a little part of yourself. That person is a part of who you are. So a little part of you is lost when they die. But a part of that person is able to live on with you also.

During the hard moments that followed my wife's death there were times I was completely broken. I had friends and family to help. But in the moments that I was alone, I just had to endure the tidal wave of grief. You feel like you're drowning, but you always survive. Eventually these waves of grief come less frequent. You will always have to deal with them in some form as you're never done with enduring the grief. But you learn to live with it.

....and that's it. Your journey may be similar or completely different. But it'll be yours to make. I hope the above advice helps. I'm sorry to you and your mom. I hope you both find as much peace as can be found in this circumstance.

[–] • 0 pt

DO NOT START DRINKING!!!! If you do, stop NOW!!! I lost a few extremely close family members during young adult life and wasted way too many years drunk and dumb. Still working that out. Find someone you can talk to (PM me if needed) and find a good comedy show. Seriously I binged watch so many comedy shows to try and cheer me up and the 20-30 minutes episode is enough to keep you engaged without starting to remember how much shit sucks at the moment.

[–] • 0 pt

Water fastng for a few days and/or eating 1 meal a day for a while help me. Don't do water fasting more than a few days, OMAD probably no more than a few weeks, don't get malnourished. I found it dulled the emotions enough that they were manageable. It's better to do that than turn to drugs or alcohol. Now it's a habit to mourn like that. When I was pregnant and couldn't fast after a couple of deaths I don't think I ever mourned them properly.

[–] • 0 pt

Make every moment with loved ones count. Live, enjoy her life, don't act like she's dead and be all depressed.

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