My children adore me, we have a very good relationship, except my oldest who has always had behavior issues. We're very rocky right now, but he'll sit next to me and hang out for a while every day, in spite of the non stop trouble he is in.
My husband loves and respects me, will do anything for me. I don't ask for things but if I did the man would bend over backwards to do it for me.
My dogs and goats love me.
Dad respects and holds me in high esteem. He likes to take me around his buddies because I am usually up to date on current events and they don't know what to think of a woman who knows anything at all. He said that I give him, and them, information to dig on that they wouldn't have ever known and he appreciates it. I don't know if he knows what love really is, but we have a good relationship because I don't expect things from him that I know he isn't capable of.
Outside of this, I have no friends. I have one that occasionally seeks my opinion on things, but she says she can't really handle our conversations, they're over her head, which to me is hard to accept because I don't think that I am high IQ. Perhaps it's just that she wants to see things the way they are but it's too ugly. And I would sum up most friendships I have tried like that; I can't talk about the mind numbing shit that most people do because it doesn't matter. But they do it as a self therapy to keep distracted from real things, even though they don't know it.
I make efforts to help those that I can and I know that it isn't going to lead to friendship, even though I would really like that. I don't know how my community views me, I hope it is positive from my efforts. I would really like to have a good friend who can talk about world events, spirituality, future. My husband is my best friend but he is a man of few words, and it's fun to have long conversations about things sometimes.
I recently found God, and I have been learning to look to him instead of trying to be among the world. It helps, a lot, as long as I keep my eyes on Him.
All in all, I'm very blessed. I hope my oldest child straightens out so that he will continue to be part of my life as he reaches independence. But I know my other two will always be the kind to check in regularly. I hope that between my husband and I, that I get to go first, because I can't stand the idea of living without him. He's my rock. I don't think I would last long without him.
What about you?
I like that you actually defined yourself through the relationships with the people around you instead of giving yourself an assement. Thats probably the most accurate method and what led me to ask the question. Thank you for asking in turn.
A friend introduced me to someone recently and it went "this is dillonkkk and he's not like most people". I was kind of insulted, I put effort into appearing normal on the outside. He ruined the charade. I have a few people in my life that I platonically love and am lived in return. I can make friends on a superficial level but I don't care to invest energy in most people as I'm extremely selfish. it reflects because I can't form meaningful romantic relationships. Something is missing in the equation of life and im unsure still what it is.
In regards to your son, when I was a messed up teen I didn't know what was going on emotionally but I liked people who took an interest in my life by asking questions
Well I certainly wont tell you how you should feel about that introduction, but it was a good one in my estimation. It's good to not be like average people.
I'm glad that you have love in your life, even if it isn't the romantic kind. I think its important, even if its just the love of a pet. There is something about giving of yourself without expectation in return.
I can't do the superficial stuff, well I should say I refuse to do it. I did do it once, and I found myself having a really hard time being around to hear what the topics of conversation were. I think its very different with men, though, because before I got married I could do the general light topics just fine. Usually it involved a skill or learning something, not a total consumerist mindset(I worked in male dominated environments and had many friends and peers) I do not fraternize with men anymore since I am married, outside of my father and on occasion his friends. I do miss it. But it isn't appropriate.
Are you really selfish? To be quite frank I dont know your age range but if I had to date in this world I'd be single, too. Things were already getting bad when I met my husband, I had given up at that time and it was nothing like the shit show happening today.
I hold a lot of hope for my son. I have no idea where to look for help with him. They guilted me into a flu vaccine(said if I got the flu he would die), the first I'd ever had in my life, when I was 2 months pregnant with him. He came out screaming, and like a barracuda, and so many food intolerances, later diagnosed with aspergers and severe lack of short term/working memory. So, we have daily problems with consequences from actions not being understood as well as lack of proper emotional responses to things. I try so very hard, so very hard, and feel so guilty, for my naivete and trust in a system. His problems led to me realizing that the world is not at all what it seems. It was a steep price I would rather he not have paid. He's 14 now, and thats a hard enough time in ones life without the other problems he has. I am hoping that puberty will help correct some of the problems with HGH, maybe repair things or create growth around whatever was damaged.
Thank you you wrote this. Am in similar situation.
I must look to God more. <---A profound heartfelt thanks for that alone.
You're welcome. It's so hard because we are flesh. It's so easy to get caught up in the world. It's madness to desire to control something knowing you cannot. I guess when you finally realize your powerlessness is when you can finally meet God.
I pray that you and I and each who has faith may come to him more often and first before others. It's a comfort that others cannot offer.
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