The point of socialization isn't to get some magic pixie dust on you from other people to make you a successful good person. Socialization is to learn how to deal with other people and their personalities. When you have a large group dynamic children get to learn how to deal with assholes, nice people, bossy people, shy people. etc. They work together to invent games, develop agreements to change the rules, work out a rudimentary justice system (like kicking people out of the game who won't play nice), and they learn to resolve disputes amongst themselves. Those are all critical skills to develop in childhood that can't be developed playing with 1 or 2 friends very well.
We should all be able to choose our friends. Kids included. Do you want to hang out with jerks just so you can get better at dealing with them? It seems silly for adults to live this way. Life throws plenty of opportunities for us to deal with losers and jerks. Why put your kids in a situation where they have to deal with that day-in-day-out. Frankly, that’s a demoralizing setup, not a way for them to grow.
We should all be able to choose our friends. Kids included.
Precisely. Having your parents pre-select your friends is shit.
Do you want to hang out with jerks just so you can get better at dealing with them? It seems silly for adults to live this way. Life throws plenty of opportunities for us to deal with losers and jerks. Why put your kids in a situation where they have to deal with that day-in-day-out. Frankly, that’s a demoralizing setup, not a way for them to grow.
The only way NOT to hang out with jerks is to have somebody pre-screen the playground pool first. Your idea of a jerk and my idea of a jerk may not be the same. Kids need to figure it out for themselves. The shitty generation we see today is precisely because of parents doing everything for their kids. They played life on easy mode.
Kids need to learn how to deal with jerks before they encounter one as an adult for the first time and you see college students crying and begging for "safe spaces." Coddling kids is how you make useless garbage human
I highly recommend listening to/reading the book Hold on to Your Kids by Gordon Neufield and Gabor Matè. There’s a balance between coddling kids and throwing them to the wolves.
School culture friends are a great way to make your kids “peer oriented.” This book addresses why and how to keep you kids on a good path without toxic peer culture. The thing is, most of us grew up in a peer culture environment so we can’t see it for what it is until we step out of it.
It’s public school and peer orientation that’s making what you think of as coddled useless garbage humans, not well meaning parents.
I was in a mandatory freshman orientation class the first year of engineering college. It was a stupid semester-long class meant to help high school kids transition to college. From what I saw in that class, public school did nothing to prep those kids for college. I thought the class was useless as I’d already learned how to socialize outside an imposed peer group and knew how to research and study. I was surprised how dumbed down the kids were coming out of school. It’s like my university had to make a class to teach them how to think again.
You have to power to prevent that. The school couldn’t care less how you kid turns out as long as they become an obedient wage slave who doesn’t question the narrative.
You said so yourself, schools are messed up. The kids in the “school machine” are going down the same path. Someone has to break the cycle.
I trust me working with my kids to pick/find friends over the sad lot at school. No need to be controlling about it. Take them to the skateboard park and let them connect with whoever; even if they are jerks. You act like school=freedom, parents≠freedom. That’s a very weird concept as you can do anything you want as a parent.
This seems like a real sticking point for you and until you can be at peace with the socialization aspect, I don’t think you’re ready to homeschool. You need to get more fed up with (((the system))) before your eyes will be open to the brokenness of public school socialization. It’s a journey, though, and it’s good to see people asking questions. …Even if you still think most of us homeschoolers are crazy and messing out kids up. ;)
(post is archived)