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I have an almost four month old baby. I thought I'd be a housewife and stay at home after he was born, but my old job asked for me to come back and offered me a bunch of extra money. The only reason I agreed is that I can take my baby with me and it is okay with them that he is my priority at all times.

I take care of an 86 year old woman. Housework, companionship, personal care. It's an easy job.

So here's the issue: my client's sweet daughter in law comes home from work and expects to hold my baby every evening. I am fine with this. She never leaves the house, he's always within my eyesight and she's a good Christian lady who I've known for a while now. She was only able to have one of her own and wished for more. But, she expects to hold my son until I get off work.

It would make my life a lot easier if I could nurse him before I get off work. As it is now, I get my baby back at 5:30 and then have to stay and get the baby calm enough to focus on nursing, then nurse the baby, before I can leave. This can take a while, and I have a husband waiting at home for me to bring him dinner!

Is it totally inappropriate to bring this up? I mean they are incredibly generous and the extra income is really helpful for us to build our little homestead faster. But... I agreed to work until 530. Nursing the baby isn't what they pay me for but they knew I'd be doing it on the job. He nurses every hour still. I don't like making my husband wait longer for dinner because this sweet lady wants to hold my baby a little longer than is convenient.

Should I just let it go and stay alonger because they're already being so accommodating about my son? Or is it appropriate to have a boundary here of leaving on time? This is a minor issue I'm having with the lady of the house, but her husband is my employer and his opinion on this is ultimately what matters if it becomes an issue. So I was hoping for a male point of view.

I have an almost four month old baby. I thought I'd be a housewife and stay at home after he was born, but my old job asked for me to come back and offered me a bunch of extra money. The only reason I agreed is that I can take my baby with me and it is okay with them that he is my priority at all times. I take care of an 86 year old woman. Housework, companionship, personal care. It's an easy job. So here's the issue: my client's sweet daughter in law comes home from work and expects to hold my baby every evening. I am fine with this. She never leaves the house, he's always within my eyesight and she's a good Christian lady who I've known for a while now. She was only able to have one of her own and wished for more. But, she expects to hold my son until I get off work. It would make my life a lot easier if I could nurse him before I get off work. As it is now, I get my baby back at 5:30 and then have to stay and get the baby calm enough to focus on nursing, then nurse the baby, before I can leave. This can take a while, and I have a husband waiting at home for me to bring him dinner! Is it totally inappropriate to bring this up? I mean they are incredibly generous and the extra income is really helpful for us to build our little homestead faster. But... I agreed to work until 530. Nursing the baby isn't what they pay me for but they knew I'd be doing it on the job. He nurses every hour still. I don't like making my husband wait longer for dinner because this sweet lady wants to hold my baby a little longer than is convenient. Should I just let it go and stay alonger because they're already being so accommodating about my son? Or is it appropriate to have a boundary here of leaving on time? This is a minor issue I'm having with the lady of the house, but her husband is my employer and his opinion on this is ultimately what matters if it becomes an issue. So I was hoping for a male point of view.

(post is archived)

[–] • 21 pts

Be polite and establish a boundary now, before it festers and you flip a lid at someone.

[–] • 4 pts

This. "Well it's been nice hanging out with you but I need to feed my baby because I will be too busy cooking dinner when I get home".

It's honestly that simple OP

[–] • 0 pt

Thank you both!

[–] • 1 pt

You're welcome. Remember, you established already that your baby is priority and you don't need the job, be a good mother and wife first, you're doing them a favor coming back to help them.

[–] • 0 pt

Yeah not much else to say. You have a 4 month old child that needs your attention. You have to stick to your guns on that.

[–] • 9 pts

"I can take my baby with me and it is okay with them that he is my priority at all times."

If this was agreed upon, I don't see the problem.

[–] • 1 pt

You're right, and I see it that way sometimes. I also get tied up in a sense of obligation to them because they've been generous employers in many ways. But you're right. Thanks for your input!

[–] • 8 pts

Why not bring the issue up with your husband? He's being fed late.

Is he okay with eating dinner later for the extra cash you are bringing in?

[–] [deleted] • 5 pts

Is he ok with her working? Those precious minutes with your baby can never be regained once lost. Job not worth the extra dollars. I had to go back to work when my youngest was 6 weeks old. I think it affected our bonding experience. Wish I had stayed home longer.

[–] • 0 pt

He says he doesn't mind and it's worth the extra income for a while to get our little farm set up. I get to stay with the baby, and the money means a lot more self sufficiency. But I mind feeding him late, I'm used to having his dinner ready when he gets home. He works hard, he needs to eat.

[–] • 2 pts

1) You're an AWESOME wife with that attitude.

Buuuuuuuuuuut

2) Hubby gets a housewife OR a working spouse not both! If you're bringing in a paycheck then he needs to do his half of the house care including making meals, laundry and all that jazz.

My take, for what it's worth.

[–] • 7 pts

Bloke here, I have a 3 year old son, so a small amount of experience.

I think you should be able to ask that you are able to nurse your baby whenever you choose to, babies need food when they need it and if it helps you with keeping a regular routine with the baby then that just makes things easier all round. The lady should be able to understand this.

On another note, I'd personally try to limit how much time she spends holding the baby. Depending on what "holding the baby" entails. I'd want the little tacker to be doing some tummy time, playing, exploring surroundings as well as interacting with you and/or other people. I have known some babies who were, lets say, closely monitored in everything they did and picked up all the time. All it does is increases their dependence and slows down their learning to move about independently. This can have benefits (baby gets lots of attention), but also drawbacks (baby is constrained from exploring and finding new and interesting things). It's always a balancing act though, and there are no definite right answers. Do what you feel is right and you'll be ok.

[–] • 2 pts

Thanks! I'm glad that seems reasonable, she didn't nurse and she had her baby eating every 4 hours at this age and I can tell she thinks it's strange mine nurses so often. But I'm glad from a husband's point of view it seems fair to take my baby back to nurse before I get off work, that will definitely make life easier, thanks for the input :)

[–] [deleted] • 4 pts

Since they wanted you to be there you have the power in that relationship. They need you more than you need them. I'd make up a plausible-sounding excuse like "the baby has been getting fussy and I need to feed it right now" and just do it, and then just do the same thing every day. If they have an issue with it you can take it from there: Either back off or keep doing it, depending on the response. What are they going to do, say that you can't feed the baby?

[–] • 0 pt

I don't think she'd say anything to me if she got her feelings hurt. And I think she will probably get her feelings hurt because she doesn't seem to understand that nursed babies can need to eat often. But that's okay as long as it seems reasonable to the husband! And poal has made it seem pretty cut and dry, the men say it's reasonable, so I'm gonna just take my baby to nurse even if it means her feelings get a little hurt. Thanks very much for your insight!

[–] • 4 pts

Baby then husband then employer, and nice has nothing to do with it.

Didn't they say they could work around the baby issue?

Leave on time.

[–] • 2 pts

This is a great summary. I second this.

[–] [deleted] • 3 pts

Am I the only one creeped out a little?

[–] [deleted] • 2 pts

Be polite, and they'll probably say yes.

[–] • 2 pts

Nurse him when you need to. The baby won't be nursing every hour for much longer at all. Nurse him more earlier, start spreading that shit out.

[–] • 2 pts (edited )

No one with kids is going to fault you for making the baby come first. As far as the holder, she has no idea about it, so you have to tell her. Right now it's a good doll to her with no schedule or needs.

[–] • 1 pt

I would absolutely and politely and without wavering get exactly what you want, they aren’t going to fire you, it’s your baby, it’s your life. They offered you more money to come back, it seems to me like you hold all the cards here.

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