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533

New to Poal. I've seen a few references to it here, but I'm not sure I fully grasp what it means.

Is it just that thing women do when they ask you something but there's no right answer and she throws a fit?

Is it something biologically ingrained in them that serves some sort of primal function that they can't control?

Are women just assholes across the board?

Any ideas/opinions/facts that you guys can provide would be great.

New to Poal. I've seen a few references to it here, but I'm not sure I fully grasp what it means. Is it just that thing women do when they ask you something but there's no right answer and she throws a fit? Is it something biologically ingrained in them that serves some sort of primal function that they can't control? Are women just assholes across the board? Any ideas/opinions/facts that you guys can provide would be great.

(post is archived)

[–] • 5 pts

Well first and foremost, welcome to poal.

My wife and I have discussed the topic at length and its a difficult thing to put into simple words, its a good label to try and get the idea across to young men, but its really a very complicated idea, its when a women you are in a relationship with (sometimes not) tests your ability to lead, or your strength as a man. You need to be willing to say no and need to be willing to draw line. If you can't draw the a line then you are not worthy of her loyalty. My wife does this(as you already know since she responded already) does this from time to time, when I need to I tell her no.

[–] • 1 pt

Thank you! The concept makes sense, but do you have any anecdotes (fictional or otherwise) that would put this into a different perspective?

[–] • 2 pts

Anecdotes... oh man whats a good one, I suppose a good one would be when I need to discipline the kids, a situation where the kids need to put put back in line as in they just will not go to bed, but they are clearly tired. I have to wrangle the oldest into bed sometimes quite forcefully(not physical just using strong words) and my wife will sometimes get very upset and challenge my ruling, I have to then stand up to her and the kid, that would be an extreme version of a shit test. Its both of them testing my ability to lead. Honestly its the oldest daughter learning that behavior and how to deal with men to a certain extent I suppose too, I don't like it but I've learned its just a part of life, some times you have to put your foot down and tell people to just go to bed. Really I probably should listen to that advice myself and go to bed more often.

[–] • 1 pt

My fiance and I are discussing this right now. I think I finally get it. It just not something I do often because I have no need to test him, I know he's going to put his foot down if he needs to.

Something we talk about often is how we as humans have a very 'animalistic' brain that people like to pretend doesn't exist. A lot of the things we do are things we do for survival. Like overeating! We don't need to overeat, but we want to because our animal brains are saying 'well, you don't know when you're going to eat next, you need to consume as much as you can just in case!'

I think this is a similar situation. Men were the hunters, the defenders, the ones that protect the women and children. I feel like nowadays we live in a world where masculinity is kind if undesirable and all around shit on. But women and children, conscious or unconscious, still crave that security and leadership that has helped us survive up until this point.

[–] • 3 pts

Good question ... I'll be interested in seeing the answers, too!

[–] • 3 pts

So my wife doing stupid shit is not necessarily her being an airhead or naïve but testing to see if I step in .

[–] • 2 pts

i am by no means a scientist or psychologist or anything of that nature, but i believe it is really more of a survival instinct! to make sure she has a strong enough partner to keep her and any offspring alive

[–] • 3 pts

Here is a good article with some examples:

https://www.toddvdating.com/pass-shit-test/

[–] • 2 pts

Nice! That's really informative!

[–] • 3 pts
[–] • 3 pts

I read this. This is one of the posts that made me ask these questions. What are your thoughts on the whole thing?

[–] • 3 pts

honestly, being a women, i'm not a fan of the term. I guess it's a women testing a man to make sure he is good strong leader, like the way a child tests boundaries with a parent. The child usually really wants the parent to have a firm boundary even if they don't act like it. I've been told I on occasion do this, although have not been given an example so really don't know when.

[–] • 2 pts

Sometimes I've caught myself acting too emotionally over something that didn't matter, then correct myself and apologize if needed. I don't think I 'test' my partner though, but then again I am in what I would consider to be a 'safe and secure' relationship. (female, if you haven't realized yet) But a testing of boundaries to ensure security would make a lot of sense, especially if you did that as a child and didn't get the security you needed. That itself seems like a primal function, since humans need social security. I can see how it can be taken to far or be a negative element in a relationship though.

I wish there was more research into this specific behavior that seems very exclusive to women. I'd be very interested to read about it!

[–] • 2 pts

It's very simple. It's a test with no right answer that is designed to test your mettle. The right answer to is ignore or to agree and amplify in a humorous way, depending on who is testing and how they are testing you.

[–] • 1 pt

Time was this was called "getting called on shit". We all do stupid things on occasion and your partner should feel free to call you on it. It's not a fucking test; it's part of the dynamics of a relationship.

I suppose that since the most recent generations of guys -- including my own; I let my wife get away with some really sketchy behavior for years, but no longer and we are much happier for it -- have been trained from birth that women are sacrosanct and infallible they are less inclined to want to 'suggest" that what their GF or wife is doing is out of line. But that doesn't mean it's right. Nope, when the old BS detector start flashing you should pay attention to it.

[–] • 0 pt

I like this. It's really just women getting shitty just to see if men will push back or not. It's best for everyone if we don't get away with being shitty like that :)

[–] • 1 pt

Fantastic question and reading all these responses was enlightening.