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Here i am asking for advice on my throwaway again.. i don’t know what to do here. i wanted to homeschool our kids, keep them out of daycare ect. and i know that statistically they’re more likely to fail without their dad. not to mention single moms are a joke. i’ve tried to enjoy the good moments and pretend the bad isn’t happening for years. but i get yelled at over stupid stuff almost daily, hit a few times a month at least. i’ve been hit nearly every holiday for years, especially on christmas. i’ve had so many lumps on my head, probably a few broken fingers, giant bruises, ect. he’s choked me. dragged me around by my hair. dumped full trash cans with heavy stuff on me. i can’t even list it all. he’s horrible. i’m dreading the holidays. this can’t be how my life was supposed to go. i need advice.

this is hidden from the kids so far.. my husband is a decent dad despite how he treats me. For the most part. Decent dads don’t hit their kids’ mom I guess. But he’s so protective of them, actually nice to them, that’s one of the main reasons I haven’t left. i wouldn’t keep them from him if we split, though i’d want them living with me. i don’t believe in child support, and want to homeschool the kids/keep them away from sitters. there’s probably no way to leave. should i continue to suffer silently for our kids or try to leave? if so, how? will i be viewed as a failure like typical single moms, even though my kids weren’t born out of wedlock? i would’ve left when this behavior started but it only started after i got pregnant with our first. i don’t have any family to go to because my parents were abusive as well. i feel so stuck. it’s like no matter what i do i’ll be miserable. stay and be yelled at and hit, or be single the rest of my life with kids who don’t have a dad. my life is a fucking joke. i’d do anything for my kids, i can’t stand being treated this way though. i’ve reached out on 4chan and a couple other sites and got such jewy answers. i know being a single mom isn’t ok, it’s terrible for kids and i feel selfish for even considering leaving. what do i do..?

Here i am asking for advice on my throwaway again.. i don’t know what to do here. i wanted to homeschool our kids, keep them out of daycare ect. and i know that statistically they’re more likely to fail without their dad. not to mention single moms are a joke. i’ve tried to enjoy the good moments and pretend the bad isn’t happening for years. but i get yelled at over stupid stuff almost daily, hit a few times a month at least. i’ve been hit nearly every holiday for years, especially on christmas. i’ve had so many lumps on my head, probably a few broken fingers, giant bruises, ect. he’s choked me. dragged me around by my hair. dumped full trash cans with heavy stuff on me. i can’t even list it all. he’s horrible. i’m dreading the holidays. this can’t be how my life was supposed to go. i need advice. this is hidden from the kids so far.. my husband is a decent dad despite how he treats me. For the most part. Decent dads don’t hit their kids’ mom I guess. But he’s so protective of them, actually nice to them, that’s one of the main reasons I haven’t left. i wouldn’t keep them from him if we split, though i’d want them living with me. i don’t believe in child support, and want to homeschool the kids/keep them away from sitters. there’s probably no way to leave. should i continue to suffer silently for our kids or try to leave? if so, how? will i be viewed as a failure like typical single moms, even though my kids weren’t born out of wedlock? i would’ve left when this behavior started but it only started after i got pregnant with our first. i don’t have any family to go to because my parents were abusive as well. i feel so stuck. it’s like no matter what i do i’ll be miserable. stay and be yelled at and hit, or be single the rest of my life with kids who don’t have a dad. my life is a fucking joke. i’d do anything for my kids, i can’t stand being treated this way though. i’ve reached out on 4chan and a couple other sites and got such jewy answers. i know being a single mom isn’t ok, it’s terrible for kids and i feel selfish for even considering leaving. what do i do..?

(post is archived)

[–] [deleted] • 9 pts

Five months ago you said he is a good husband and you guys agree with everything politically except for masks. You never mentioned him hitting you. I think this account is bullshit and you are bullshit.

[–] • 2 pts

It's male bashing is what it is.

Our society views husband's as violent yet every study finds women to be more violent.

Propaganda

[–] [deleted] • 6 pts

You probably think you are smarter than him and you constantly belittle and undermine him. Maybe try letting him be a man and you keep your mouth shut. You know exactly why he hits you but you are too much of a feminist to take a back seat. Two people can't drive a car and two people cant be head of the household. Both of you sit down and take an IQ test. Whoever's score is higher gets to lead.

[–] • 3 pts

No. IQ is not the determinant. The man is the man. But the learning to shut up and take a more supportive role is a good choice. The, "he's nice to the kids" is a clue.

[–] • 2 pts

I know tough love kinda answers are needed sometimes but no. I’m not a feminist, that’s gross lol. I know that he’s smarter than me (despite his temper), believe men should lead the household and hate feminism. I want the trad life, I want to do things right. Which is why I ask if I should ignore my own discomfort for them. Kids need a mom and a dad or they end up crazy. Feminism ruined this country more than anything, in my opinion. Mothers should stay home and take care of the kids and house, and definitely homeschool. I want this for my kids so badly. I thought I had this all figured out but my husband is ruining it.

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

He is smart and loving to the kids but you cant figure out why he keeps hitting you? He has probably told you a million times but you are so stupid that he has to resort to beating it into you. If it's really not you then there is some other reason that you are too stupid to figure out.

[–] • 4 pts

You need to reach out to a shelter. You need to hide the fact that you are getting ready to go due to the violence. Get stuff together and quietly leave to a location unknown. File for divorce. The kids are being affected by the violence, you think they don't know? How can you get the shit beat out of you on Christmas and the kids don't know? Your silence hasn't saved them. The nightmares and anxiety for the kids is there and damaging them every single time you are hit. They probably are aware of the tension period before the beating. They probably walk on egg shells during the honeymoon period. They probably wonder if they'll be next if they try to defend mom. The single mother working and raising kids is in your future if you don't want to teach the kids to be victims of abusive relationships in their future.

[–] • 2 pts

Yeah. Still have nightmares about mom getting the shit kicked out of her and I was young. That shit lingers.

[–] • 0 pt

They’re on the other side of the house when it happens. It’s a pretty big house.

[–] • 0 pt

Sit them down and ask them if they were aware, they had to have heard this stuff. Or are you rich sitting in a 4,000 sq ft Los Angeles beach home?

[–] • 1 pt

No, we’re not in LA, but you’re not far off on guessing the house size. It’s a huge house in the middle of the country. We have 3 living rooms, bedrooms for everyone and a guest room. It’s nice, actually possible to get a good distance away during drama. This place would be perfect if it weren’t for the issue that I’ve shared with you all. :(

[–] • 3 pts

I would tell your husband that hitting a woman is degenerate. A man is supposed to be strong and stoic and reliable. Hitting people who are smaller than you is not Stoic. He is failing. Someone else mentioned talking to your priest or minister or maybe his father. Thats a good idea.

A wholesome traditional family man lays down the law but doesn't fuck up his woman's emotional state. A woman needs to provide a calm and soothing emotional support structure for the children so they don't become sadistic deviants.

Show your husband this post. Tell him to become Stoic instead of belligerent. The survival of the species is at stake here and he is fucking up.

[–] • 0 pt

You’re right. Truly survival of species at stake. Both of us have blonde hair and blue eyes. I wanted to help the decline of our race, and he does too, but he’s letting his anger get in the way of that.

[–] [deleted] • 3 pts

i’ve reached out on 4chan and a couple other sites and got such jewy answers

Learn to listen better? Look, such a loaded post like this deserved some excellent advice.

[–] • 3 pts

This post feels very suspicious to me. I'm still going to answer it as though you're not playing some stupid game with Poal.

If being calm, direct, and explaining your position to him isn't working, you may have to have another man straighten him out. Men tend to react to hierarchies of respect, and your priest/minister might need to have this conversation with him. Maybe speak to his father, if they have a good relationship.

I think that divorce should not be the first reaction if he truly is a good father... but your children do not benefit from a household where they WILL eventually see spousal abuse modeled to them, and they certainly don't benefit from a dead mother.

If he can be persuaded to at least see that there is a problem, try to get him into couple's therapy with you. Whatever you do, since you have kids, always put them first... and realize that there are very rare cases when it benefits the children for the parents to separate if that's the only way to end abuse.

[–] • 2 pts

You are wrong about your kids not knowing. You are teaching any male children you have to abuse their future wives. You are teaching any female children you have to accept abuse. To hell with your shame, you are a mother, your shame doesn't matter. Do your job and be a mother. You're only a whore if you sleep around. Source: me, my husband died, I went to work 2 weeks later and now have a CDL. No one thinks I'm a whore because I'm not. Nut the fuck up and do your job.

[–] • 2 pts

Are you letting strangers raise your kids while you work, or do they stay with family? I don’t have any family they could stay with and I know both public school and daycares are full of abusive, crazy people far worse than my husband. Not to mention the Marxist brainwashing. You didn’t really have a choice but my husband is still around. I’d rather risk them overhear yelling than have them molested or killed, or brainwashed into LGBT cult or something like most kids. And they haven’t been away from me a day in their lives, dumping them off on someone else bc I’m uncomfortable with my life seems cruel.

[–] • 2 pts

My kids go to public school. And they are old enough to not need supervision. My daughter makes dinner, my other daughter cleans, and my son does ranch work after school. I live in a place where school isn't bad, and I did used to homeschool them. The thing is this, you are allowing your children to be mentally abused because you are scared they could be abused. And you're letting it happen in what is supposed to be a sacred space, the home. Fight back or leave. I'm not joking, if he raises his voice, walk away, do not engage. If he hits you then hit him back, he may beat the shit out of you but then you have the law on your side. Use every resource you have to save the marriage first, and if he doesn't get it, if he doesn't understand how important and sacred the home is, fuck him. Quit whining and letting fear control you. And also if he is as bad as you say he's going to leave you anyway. Get prepared now.

[–] [deleted] • 2 pts

Unless you're being violent, there's no excuse for him being violent. Fuck what people think; shitty single moms get a bunch of tattoos, go out drinking and whoring and spending money they don't have. Don't be a shitty single mom and you're good. Talk to a lawyer. Get yourself together, focus on your kids, and don't worry about men and dating until you have your head straight. There are many single men with kids who specifically look for good single women with kids.

Statistics showing all the shitty outcomes for kids with broken homes are skewed correlations. Useless. Outcomes have more to do with value systems and morals than anything else.

Talk to a lawyer.

[–] • 1 pt

stop misbehaving

[–] • 1 pt

I routinely help victims of domestic violence.

The problem you face is that almost no victims of domestic violence are ready to accept help and do what it takes. 9 out of 10 women will immediately go back to the abusive relationship and 99/100 women who get out of an abusive relationship, end up in another abusive relationship.

Last Friday, I took a woman to the court house and filled out all of her paperwork for a DVRO and we got the temporary restraining order with a move out order for the offender. This means that the guy who punched her in the head, choked her, threw her against walls, screamed in her face, threatened to kill her, threatened to make her homeless, controlled her finances, etc, was legally required to move out.

Yesterday, she said she doesn't want him to go to jail. So, I put in hours and hours of work, achieved all goals (which are difficult to achieve) and she is going to let the whole thing fall apart. I warned her that I stopped helping women out these situations because they never follow through and that I would only agree to help if she agreed to follow the steps I laid out exactly.

If I was paid to help someone like this, as a lawyer, it would cost thousands of dollars. Not only that, the judge assigned is an extraordinary colleague who has both a medical and a law degree and there isn't a better judge in the country to take the case.

All for naught.

So, keep that in mind. Everyone who helps DV victims is jaded and doesn't expect you to have what it takes to follow through.

Step 1: Identify anyone who could potentially help you get a place to stay. If he isn't harmful to the kids, then it sounds like you are saying he is safe around the kids. This is unusual, as violently abusive husbands are generally never nice to kids and almost always manipulative and psychologically destructive against them. However, it means that only you need a place to stay and that is a tough pill to swallow.

If he isn't hitting the kids, you don't get the kids. He will have custody, either in part or in full. You have the mistaken impression that the court will give you the children. The court ALMOST NEVER gives you full physical and legal custody of the children for the entirety of their childhoods. An abusive father merely has to complete some anger management courses, promise he will do better and can file any time to change the custody order.

And a determined father, abusive or not, will pursue this relentlessly and use it as a vector of control over you.

Step 2: Gather evidence. I do not recommend involving witnesses, because they will downplay the abuse and offer up retard explanations. Pictures of the abuse. Video. Audio recordings. This is really what you need, if you are going to have a definitive chance at winning. Evidence plus witnesses is fine. They merely need to confirm the pictures happened.

Step 3: Gather resources and a "go bag" so that you can escape at a moment's notice. Locate the local food bank. Go to your court house self help office and ask them for a list of resources. There are dozens of non-profits and state, county and federally funded services that our collective tax dollars are ALREADY PAYING FOR. Drop your pride and get help from these services. It's already paid for. It's meant for people like you. LISTEN to these people. As I said, they have seen this so many times but truly don't expect you to listen.

Step 4: Then file for a DVRO. Ideally, you have actually called the police once or twice and can demonstrate you've been living in fear. Once you have the TRO, start enacting all of your plans and have him served immediately. Don't wait for the sheriff. Get a friend to do it. Also have the sheriff do it, but have it served separately, as well. Immediately.

Everyone may try to force you to file for divorce along with all of this. I've even had judges illegally order women to file for divorce amidst the DVRO. It muddies the waters. Avoid it. However, once a DVRO is granted you MUST file for divorce or you will look like an idiot and lose credibility with, basically, everyone.

Divorce is a separate issue entirely. I help women (and occasionally men) seek safety. I'll only help with a divorce if it is necessary for safety and my criteria is specific.

If you legitimately need help getting to a safe place, I can help get you started. But, I have to know you're telling the truth.

[–] • 1 pt

Thank you. This was really helpful.

[–] • 1 pt

If you want half his shit you dont have to lie, just divorce him slut.

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