Welcome • User Guide
ToS • Privacy • Canary
Donate • Bugs • License

©2026 Poal.co

520

As the title says. I'm turning 33 in a few weeks, and in repair mode from a decade of nihilism and stupid choices. Once I hit 30, I realized this is serious, and I no longer have some endless infinite amount of time in front of me... made a lot of drastic decisions like ghosting all of my deadbeat friends, and establishing something long term for myself. Fast forward to now, I have a pretty good career in software development and started a small home repair type business which could hopefully turn into something big as time goes on. Mentally I'm in a far better place as well, with a positive outlook on the future. But the truth is, I'm lost with finding a quality girl, and part of me feels like its too late as its something I had to figure out in my late teens or early 20's.

With that said, what traits or actions should I (or anyone) possess to increase the odds of finding someone who is a keeper? This place has a way with honesty and bluntness, which is exactly why I'm asking this here. Thanks.

As the title says. I'm turning 33 in a few weeks, and in repair mode from a decade of nihilism and stupid choices. Once I hit 30, I realized this is serious, and I no longer have some endless infinite amount of time in front of me... made a lot of drastic decisions like ghosting all of my deadbeat friends, and establishing something long term for myself. Fast forward to now, I have a pretty good career in software development and started a small home repair type business which could hopefully turn into something big as time goes on. Mentally I'm in a far better place as well, with a positive outlook on the future. But the truth is, I'm lost with finding a quality girl, and part of me feels like its too late as its something I had to figure out in my late teens or early 20's. With that said, what traits or actions should I (or anyone) possess to increase the odds of finding someone who is a keeper? This place has a way with honesty and bluntness, which is exactly why I'm asking this here. Thanks.

(post is archived)

You are currently inside a comment thread.
Click here to see all the comments (47).
[–] • 1 pt

I'm in a similar situation. Me and my ex-fiance were about to buy a house and start our family and he bailed at the last second. I had to get my shit in order to afford the home alone and now I've just turned 27. I'm starting my first company, but super behind on family now. Probably going to co-parent or use a doner and have kids alone. I'm too old to start a relationship from scratch.

I'm not sure what advice to give. Here are some random things that might help:

  • You can literally meet a chill girl anywhere. Some people say avoid dating apps. They can be a powerful tool if you learn to use them correctly and ignore bad traffic. Make a good profile explaining what you want and don't waste weeks/months chatting someone up. Be direct about meeting within a week or two in person and limit mobile communication to see if they're serious or not. Get to know them in the real world. Many girls will drag that shit on forever online.

  • Meeting in real life is awesome. Church, gym, grocery store, hobby groups. Men almost never approach me and I'm one of the good looking ones. Especially not since COVID. I have literally not heard of a single couple that hasn't met each other through school or online dating. Start practicing smiling and waving at strangers. Move onto small chat with mothers/older men you pass. Once you get good at it move towards potential girlfriends. It's hard to learn to be chatty if you're socially retarded or an introvert. So practice it well.

  • Workout. Care for your body. I would never consider even using someone as a doner if they didn't so much as respect their own bodies. Work really hard to look good. Be proud. Be confident. Even if you're on the older side we are a part of the loneliest generation who has never known true compassion and love in a romantic manner. You can take someone who is a little broken and glue them into a whole person and suitable life partner.

[–] [deleted] • 2 pts (edited )

Don't be too hard on yourself. Despite the stupid meme advice on here and elsewhere that women hit their biological prime at 18 and anything older is downhill, I promise you're perfectly fine. My mother was 28 when she had her first child (me), and at least over here, its very common for women to have children well into their 30's and sometimes beyond. As for finding a relationship, from the tiny bit I know about you, you seem like a responsible and smart person. I couldn't see why you'd have a problem finding someone like that, considering there is an ocean of childish immature people out there.

But thanks for taking the time for your advice. I've been relatively introverted since I was a child, but not to the point I'm a lost cause lol. I just have to get back to socializing with strangers more often like you said, and it will get easier. Thats really good advice on how to work up confidence. Your post definitely gave me more clarity on what my game plan is, so really.. thank you. I wish the best for you as well!

[–] • 0 pt

Thanks!

My mother had 5 children from the age of 31-41. Genetically I'm lucky there. I'm not too worried, it just would have been nice to have a family at 25 and be in a more stable position. Starting around 28 will still give me a few years on her.

I have a potential co-parent stopping by next week to help put with some electrical work on my home. In exchange I'm building him a company website to help him get out of a job he hates and start his entrepreneurial adventures.

But yeah, you don't need to be worried at all either. Men have way longer than girls to get their shit in order. Our generation is babied for so long they don't remotely act like adults until their mid-20's. As long as you care for your body you can score one! Just don't give up even when things go bad. If you ever need a lift-me-up ask about some of my horrific dates when I was still a socially retarded moron. Lol. It gets easier.

[–] • 0 pt

Men almost never approach me and I'm one of the good looking ones.

ngmi If you're 27, your chances are nearly blown. You're on the downward spiral. Freeze eggs immediately. Seriously, do not waste your time. You have a few short years.

using someone as a doner

This is heartbreaking.

[–] • 0 pt

All good. Things haven't gone my way since I was a child.

I make sure it works out for me in the end.