1) Look up "exit bag" 2) I only know that because I used to be in a really messed up place when I was a young man. Hit rock bottom and couldn't see any other way out. I thank God I never went through with it. Life had bigger plans for me, and I almost gave it all up. I know you said you won't actually do it, but if you're contemplating it, please realize that you probably won't feel the same in a few years when you see things more clearly. If you need someone to talk to and you can't do it with anyone in real life, DM me.