I was walking in the Maine woods one summer night in July and I saw a light in the sky. The next thing I knew, it was daylight, five months later. I was in Chicago, and my butt hurt. Suddenly, this big metal dish unfolded from my anus and started beaming signals into the heavens. I wanted to examine it, but it was covered in shit, so I didn't touch it. Then a giant blue spaceship landed and took away all the niggers. Chicago is real nice now. Pretty. Still smells like shit, though.