Logisitics just dont seem right to me honestly, maybe ill get around to it later. For now, id rather not dump that type of baggage on anyone
No problem at all. It's good to be conscientious, but temper it with the knowledge that most everyone you see is far more messed up than you'd imagine. The best choice is always the right choice and no human can tell you what that is but you.
fair enough point, i dont usually ask for help on the subject or mention it to anyone outside private boards in super vague details. Im sure most people are as messed up as i am, but i find death is the ultimate piece that makes people too uncomfortable. Id happily help out another white person if they need grief counseling, Im happy to die alone at this point
You'd be surprised that there are Christians who feel that way about death. We know that we have a life that's much better waiting for us after this one, either through death or translation when the Lord returns. I've felt that way myself in the past. For me it was temporary, but I can't speak for all. Paul said "to live is Christ and to die, gain," meaning that he had work to do here, but if his life should be taken from him for doing it, he'd be fine with that given what he'd be going to. At the same time, for myself personally I believe I was bought with a price by Jesus, and for that reason at least my life is not my own to take. I'm cool if it's my time to go, but I'll never make that choice explicitly and by my own hand.
On family, I didn't remember this before, but there is honor and purpose for those who aren't called to be married and have children. Paul again wrote about this: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+7&version=ESV
For all the rhetoric you may hear on the side of making white babies, or on the other side of muh carbon footprint, if you leave it up to God to tell you your calling, you'll be set and certain.
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