Don't you remember our pep talk? You'll get through this. Just take any job you can get for now and keep applying for others. There is a good future waiting for you if you decide you want it. You need to learn to do two things. Love yourself and forgive yourself. The second you do these things and mean it everything in your life will start to fall into place. I have don terrible things and made woefully bad decisions in my life but I still like the reflection I see in the mirror. I truly like myself. You can do the same.