So I'm helping my 26 y/o son out by buying him a flight to move to a new, better city to get his feet back on the ground and 3 weeks in I want throw the bastard out.
Quick backstory:
His mom had him all this time but threw him out at 14
Totally wild and undomesticated, meth addict, violent
contacts me on fb at 16
Bring him out then for a year. Goes to shit after 3 months.
Goes back to his home city/goes to jail for a year
Gets out and tries to work responsibly (sort of)
Still dealing drugs, cocaine etc.
Is a manipulator
Has severe anger issues but kicks meth
Fast forward to August and I bring him out to work with me in my business for two weeks. We bond but I can see he still have serious anger issues. Watched him throw a temper tantrum after spilling his coffee when I had to hit the brakes quick. Totally embarrassing, for him, I told him. Said I don't want to see that side of him. Up to that point everything was fine.
Drinking problem: First big fight was when he came home at 4:30 am, drunk and arguing with his gf on the phone. Get up and tell him to knock it off, notice he's drinking and ask if he's drunk? Get into massive fight, blows up at me "WHAT I CANT TALK TO MY GF??" bs. Threatens to move out, demands I pay him NOW for the work. I text his mom "call your son" Explain he's going on a tyrant. She understands. Tells him not make this a repeat of the first time I brought him out. We talk, tell him this sort of thing SHOUlD NOT BE HAPPENING.
Slamming the microwave door: SLAM every time. HEY Stop slamming my shit! Blows up at me, argues, then SLAMS the door again anyway. FFS
Now today. Goes out Friday night...oh wait. I decide to cook dinner, tell him he can take left overs for work...
(we finished my job but managed to get a roofing job the very next day and is doing good. Boss really likes him and he's a super hard worker. Roofs all day and walks 70 blocks home 'just because'. Very proud of him on that part)
...Just as soon as I get a pot on to start dinner, he decides he's going out. Ok, fine. Dump the water back in the sink. I was only going to cook dinner so we both can eat together. Instead, he has other plans and I no longer feel like cooking. Have a fight about that a little bit.
Anyway, comes back at 10 the next day and sleeps the whole day on my couch. But let me back up a little bit...
He's been sending me money to withdraw for him because he doesn't have a bank account here. He earns it from having his people sell drugs for him in his home city. And sends it to me. Up to now, I lock in what I owe him based on how much I withdraw and commit to memory. I knew it was only $80 but the friday he left, he told me $180. ok, perhaps but I need to check my bank statements I told him. Then I asked him to tell me all the dates he sent me money. BLOWS UP! Like I "don't trust him" he said. Well, I blow up and yell at him it's so I can cross-reference shit and he has no business getting mad!
He literally has no wallet. Carries cash in his baggy pockets. He's lost over 100 phones in is life and his organizational skills are none. He has none. So, no, I don't trust him.
While he was gone I dug into all my transactions, wrote down all the debts and payments along with each date. Worked the entire last 3 weeks back to every instance he gave me money and every instance I paid. It was irrefutable, I only owed him $80.
Fast forward to this morning. Wakes up in a good mood. Slept all day from Saturday's hang over. Then he decides to take a look at the accounting I did on the paper I left him. ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE
My son suffers from HADD (hyper-active attention deficit)
and watching him try to comprehend something as straight forward as my math, dates and transactions all laid out for him was a disaster. TOO COMPLICATED he yells, frantically pacing, yelling, frustration level 100. Tries to argue his case with anecdotes and what "he remembers" which money was from whom or whichever reason. Tries to tell me my ledger is "irrelevant". I pointed out exactly how much he gave me and if he can show where he gave more, then i'm all ears. He couldn't. He seemed to think he gave me $400 more than he did. Wasn't until I pulled up all the transactions in my email that showed what he sent before, he calmed down and admitted he's wrong.
Things settled down for a bit. We start cleaning up, all is well. Then I'm wiping down the coffee table and I ask him to move his change. He ignores me, texting with someone. Then I say his name. BOOM blows up at me. Literally screaming that his friend O'ded last night and that I am denying him to text about or some stupid shit. That's it, I lose my fucking cool, motioned to slam the table cloth down and we have another blow out. It' like there's a very fine, thin membrane between us where he is willing to fight me. But he knows not to, but he is experiencing the first time in his life that fighting when he knows he shouldn't is something he has never had to control himself of before. For the first time in his life he can't react the way he WANTS to because of who I am. I won't mince words, he is violent and we both know he is capable of killing someone. Sometimes I have visions that it's me. No joke.
He's gone now downtown to hang with his friends. I told him before he left that I'm the last bridge in his life that he burns. He listened. He knows it too. He was trying to control himself, but he can't. I cannot allow this guy to talk to me the way he does and I don't give a shit about what made him that way. I don't deserve this, end of. He asked if I'm going to kick him out and I said no. But I want to.
I counted up some savings I could use to pay him out (still waiting for my cheque to clear, 2 more weeks)
and want to hand it over and tell him he wrecked it for us. He wouldn't care about it for too long though. He doesn't care about much and that scares me about him. He has some really good qualities but his bad side ruins all of it. He schemes. He manipulates. He sees himself as everything revolves around him. The center of his own attention. I don't even really know this guy, just trying to do the right thing and help him be the best person he can be. I wasn't there for his life and thought now that he's 26, it would be good to try again. But he's an emotional terrorist and talking to me the way he does is going to be his undoing.
So there's going to be two types of responses I will probably get. 1. Throw his ass out. 2. Give him a chance to correct himself
Which one? I'm really not interested in bonding with him anymore but perhaps my duties aren't finished yet. I certainly don't owe him shit other than his paycheque. The kid is 26 and acts like 16 when angry. There is no fixing that, all him.
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