>Have you told him that? Praised him for what he does right or is it more a case of just warning him when he does wrong? I don't know your son, but if he has a form of oppositional defiance disorder, sticks might not work and maybe carrots are the way to go.
Yes, I make a point of using this psychology on him and it's affective. However, I will assert my will when I sense a power struggle. He tries to be dominant with me and I smack that shit down.
>I think a good way forward would be to agree some rules (in collaboration with him - not diktats) about where the boundaries are in terms of living in your house, working with you etc. Try to avoid dictating how he conducts his personal life, I know it's hard because he's your child, but he's 26 and entitled to make his own mistakes.
I don't say a word about his personal life, too late for that. I do give constructive criticism if he wants. He has been making efforts to be more considerate about the times he comes in. It's the mouthing off and tantrums which seem to be the biggest problem atm.
>I also don't think you should be handling his finances for him, at his age. Agreed, by both parties after this fiasco.
>I think if you can draw some lines you can build up the relationship. My feeling is that he's involved in some dumb shit, but if you can draw a line between the good life he can live working as an honest man under your tutelage, and the shit life of trouble he's attracted to out on the street with the bad boys, and resist the urge to meddle in that side of his life, he should at some point independently realize which is the intelligent path to take. It won't happen overnight and he will stumble along the way, but hopefully he'll get there in the end.
It's going to be volatile. There's a dichotomous split in the kid. He knows the rules and I see he has matured to level of understanding but he's missing something. A complete lack of any regard for what he does. Like consequences do not occur. It's bizarre. But on the other hand, he plays by the rules when it comes to work 100%. Better than most I would say. He explains to me the patients required when roofing, tearing it off if done incorrectly and doing it again. So he understands the ethics of hard work. Not afraid to try new things at all. There's a drive in him.
Don't give up, you can't undo years of mind programs in a few months. Those programs are the result of deep trauma. My cat used to belong to my sister, and her husband treated her like a dog, not a cat. Because of this she's a bit defensive and untrusting of people.
Even now after 6 years with her she's still mean, but she's calmed down a lot even letting strangers pet her. When I first got her she fucking hated me, now she jumps on my lap and purrs until she falls asleep.
The point is, it takes time.
That's good to hear, it sounds like you are doing your best for him.
I remember when I was a young man and there was an element of risk taking that, from the outside, must have looked self-destructiveness, but I was just frustrated and testing myself.
Does he have any interests or hobbies to channel his extra energy into outside of work, like an MMA gym or off-roading? Something positive where he can test his boundaries in a moderately safe environment.
>Does he have any interests or hobbies to channel his extra energy into outside of work, like an MMA gym or off-roading? Something positive where he can test his boundaries in a moderately safe environment.
Took him kayaking and he said he found his new hobby. He did boxing for a while but his only hobby atm is partying and getting laid. No judgement from me there.
Maybe that could be the next relationship goal, at some point when you're both ready - setting up the next kayaking trip.
It's hard to have those important conversations with a family member sometimes, especially when the events that are triggering the conversations are stressful or traumatic, the bad feelings and resentments tumble out instead and it turns into a finger pointing exercise, instead of addressing your feelings calmly and respectfully.
But conversations that spontaneously occur when you're out alone in nature together and they're triggered because you're relaxed and comfortable in each other's presence, they have a whole different hue. I think they're also enhanced by being on neutral turf with no clock to watch. Sentences and questions can hang and be returned to later when people are ready to answer. It's just more conducive to quality listening all around.
Sometimes when I need to talk to my nephew about something important, his life decisions and goals etc I make him leave his phone behind and take him out into nature to climb trees and explore, we live on the edge of a nature reserve. The important conversations flow a lot better like that, away from distractions.
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